NOTHING PERFECT
his feelings and my feelings
after returning from the hospital, I and Surya locked themselves in a room and spoke four eyes.mas Surya who realized his mistake continued to apologize
"sorry I'm Ndit, I don't know if they're all aware of it either"
"yes keep you want to get rich gini keep mas ? if you love each other, why not get married anyway ? if from the beginning you guys married also I will not be dragged like this mas.."
"Ryno doesn't want to. she's afraid her family knows it.."
"continue why not be honest with the family mas ? "
"mom has heart disease, so I can't say that.."
"so what now ? I'm already confused, it's not easy to spend a year without love like this. I'm already rich house stopover tempuh neduh doang well not mas. it feels sick for long"
all the unek come out just like that, I realize this will make me embarrassed myself later, but because our marriage has no hope at all, I so vent everything that I hold right now.
"i can't possibly betrayin Ryno ndit. she's everything to me." she resigned herself and held all her guilt to me.
"sorry mas. I've been late, maybe I demand too many times" said I slowly calm my voice then left the room and went to prepare dinner.
######
I'm not okay, my mind is messed up. my life doesn't match this self-expectations. Mixed feelings that are enough to tear through the walls of my heart, I try to straighten myself.
I divert all my annoyance from gardening and busy tonight with gardening even though it is night.
"mba..why garden night? " Nabila came and helped me bring a flower pot that I had planted with various types of flowers
"mba will go tomorrow, go home to mba's father.. "
"mba... is there the same problem with Surya ? how did you even go home ? surya is on leave"
"mba. there is business at home dad, at least about 2 days. mba also already said the same mas Surya.."
"oh... yaudah.. but really, right.. no problem with Surya mas ? "
"hmmm.. no kok.mba titip mas yes. during mba go, do not forget to ask mas you take the medicine"
"okedeh.be prepared mba.."
######
at about 12 pm, I could not sleep. All I did was sit on the floor while daydreaming staring blankly at the phone screen that I did not play at all.
"....." since I caught Surya and Ryno, my mind has been quite distracted by it
"ndit.you haven't slept"
"....." heard that Surya who woke up suddenly the syndrome of behavior appeared, because I was increasingly cornered by my own feelings.I instead create a confusing atmosphere mas Surya
"mas... can I sleep next to you ? "
"??? is?aren't you always sleeping next to me Ndit ?"
"....." I immediately lay down and covered myself with the same blanket as Surya
"ndit.. are you still mad at me ?"
"mas.." I turned the question away by looking at him expectantly like a madman
"....." mas Surya was confused to answer what, but without getting any answer I immediately hugged him and slept in the arms of Surya, I know Surya mas very awkward with my attitude
"sorry mas. I again need a really backrest at this time, you don't need to think that's okay. I know myself really"
"tomorrow you'll be stuck at dad's house ?"
"Hmm. maybe about two days, as long as I go mas do not forget to take medicine yes.do not eat late too"
"ndit... Can I come with you ?"
"followed ? are you serious, mas..? "
"i don't want you to be around because I'm not with you"
"ohh. but are you sure ? my house is so small"
"hmm it's okay"
"what about Ryno? if he knew he'd be mad at you.."
"ryno doesn't need to know about me going with you, besides he's busy with his job"
"mas..."
"why ?"
"thank you, even though it's just pretend, but it feels like I have someone by my side, even though this relationship is only temporary, but I feel very happy to know and meet you mas" I said delirious as if drunk bucin to Surya mas
"....." mas Surya did not answer because he was fast asleep, I looked up and looked at his face with sadness then secretly I cried sobbing in his arms.
"i want to be with you forever!!!!! but what is possible?!!!!" my mind was screaming and I couldn't do anything about my feelings and feelings.
######
before returning home, Surya and I stopped by to buy some of my favorite snacks and meals.
on my way, Surya also took me to the meatballs and we both enjoyed meatballs together.
surya and I both like spicy food, so the appetite for meatballs with him is not much different.
#ting!!!
"why don't you just get divorced ? I'm sick of seeing you with Surya"
the terror sent me another message, but this time I chose to open my mouth to Surya.
"who's ndit ? "
"well, he's been bothering me lately" I said and gave my phone to Surya so he'd see a lot of messages from Ryno to me.
reading the message, Surya was very angry. eventually Surya immediately called Ryno somewhere, but I who saw him from afar was quite surprised to see the angry Surya mas on the phone.
"maybe ? still got a chance for me?"I returned to uncertain hope.
seriate....