CUTS
Crushed...

POV CUT'S...

Tears were hard to hold back, my chest still felt stifling. Various questions arise alternately in the head about the cause of the musabab that befell Razi. When his presence made me laugh, he left. Why did he leave so soon? There's still a lot I want to talk to him about.

His presence all this time helped me to forget the scary past. In the past, Jannah had left without saying a word, and now she had also left suddenly without a word. Who shot Razi? What was his mistake until Razi had to die like this?

Rabbi...Why are they so cruel? Do they not have a heart until it is easy to take someone's life? My head is heavy and ...

“Cut..”

“Cut...”.

“Cut, wake.”

The clap of someone's hand on my cheek made me blink. I still feel the pain in my heart. “Umi, Cut nightmare. In Cut's dream, Razi dies, Umi. He shot people.”

“He's fine right, Umi? It must be a dream.” I can't wait for Umi's answer.

“True, this is just a dream. We live in the city, Cut until we forget that we no longer live in the village. Thankfully, it was just a dream. Umi, Cut can not imagine if Razi or our other family experienced bad events like the people in the village. Cut scared, Umi. Cut fear.”

I came back crying, roaring like this was all real. My heart hurts like a knife. In Umi's embrace, I expressed my feelings of crying that I had difficulty controlling anymore.

I have harbored all this sadness, bitterness and resentment for a long time. My swearing, anger and rebellion have been buried deep in my heart, now I don't know why I want to take it out.

I cried while occasionally hitting my chest which this time was so stifling that it made it difficult for me to breathe. Umi hugged me tighter as if understanding how I felt.

“Nak, relax! This way you will only make Razi's spirit not calm. God loves him more so take him faster. He has calmed down, we just need to pray as a form of affection for him.”

I did not hear Umi's words. All I know is that my heart and feelings are hurting right now. “Umi, Cut wants to meet Razi. Today it looks like he didn't go to campus.” Umi's hand suddenly pulled out my hand that was already standing. Umi looked at me with tears on her cheeks.

“Umi, why are you crying?” I sit back in front of him.

Umi hugged me back. It looks like Umi feels the same way as I do. A mother losing her child is certainly not a trivial thing. Umi always hid her heart's sadness on us. In fact, Umi was able to bathe the body of her daughter-in-law when other parents might scream or faint.

“Nak, calm yourself. You must be strong as before. If you are weak, Intan and Faris are weaker again because her brother is also not strong let alone them.” I looked at Umi with a confused and strange feeling. And ...

Like the sound of lightning striking suddenly, I tried to digest one by one Umi's words. “You fainted when Razi's body was put in the grave. Mak Cek Siti also fainted at her home when Razi's body was about to be taken to the mosque.”

My throat was drying out and my voice felt stuck there. “So this is not a dream?” I asked in my heart. “Rest, Umi want to go to Mak Cek Siti's house first. There's Mae accompanying you here with Rendra.”

 I threw my body back with my broken heart unceremoniously on the bed. Tears continued to unravel nonstop. I was happy for a moment and then left with sadness and destruction.

I'm the saddest lucky girl the world has ever seen. Life doesn't let me be happy for too long. When I was happy, life took it back. This life is cruel. Is dying better? I don't know either.

if death were better than life, people would choose to die. No one cries when they die. Razi, his life is quite happy. Life takes away her happiness too soon. In fact, he has not yet earned the doctorate that he had dreamed of.

My pretenders have gone back to where the creator was destined. I'll be back there too. But, can I if I want to go back now? I'm afraid to find happiness again after this. I'm afraid that this loss keeps repeating itself every time I'm happy.

I'd rather be away from happiness if I have to be happy but temporary and end in pain and destruction. From now on there is no more happiness in my life. O life, no matter how much happiness will come my way. I hate this life, I hate all my feelings right now.

How much more life torturing me?

“Kak Cut... wake up, already zuhur.” Mae's voice wakes me up from a long sleep.

“Mae, Razi really died?” ask me to make sure. Who knows the genie is disturbing my sleep so that it takes my consciousness everywhere.

“Rubber, Brother Cut. Bang Razi is dead. It was buried this morning.” apparently happened. I turned back and closed my eyes.

“Kak Cut's...Brother Cut... Brother Cut is praying?” mae's voice was heard again. My head feels heavy to wake up.

“Maeeee...noisy.” shouts.

It felt relieved to be able to return his screams. I laughed to myself, it felt so good to be able to reply to Mae.

I went downstairs looking for him and it turned out that he wasn't there. I went back upstairs and looked for food because my stomach was hungry.

While eating I screamed back to his name.

“Mae..”.

“Mae..”.

“Mae..”

Ah. It turns out he's gone.

“Hahahahah.

***

AUTHOR POV...

The Mak Cek Siti's...

Mae came while carrying Rendra. His face was implying fear. Abu and Mr. Cek Amir are receiving guests. Mae looks for Umi to various corners of the house is also not visible. Faris and Intan were also in their room. There are some relatives who have arrived from the village and relatives of the Mak Cek Siti family who have also been present there.

“Who to find, Mae? Tanya Bang Ridwan who is one of the workers at Pak Cek Amir's shop.

“Umi, Brother see no?”

“Umi again deliver food for Mak Cek Siti to the room. Get out soon too. Wh why? You're like scared. Any problems?”

Just as Mae was about to answer, Umi was seen coming out of Mak Cek Siti's room. “Umiiii..”.

The sound of Mae's screams shocked the guests including Abu. Mae immediately ran to meet Umi with Rendra who was still in her trunk.

“What's up, Mae? Why are you screaming?”

“Umi, Kak Cut shouted from the top of the store.”

“What's the same Cut, Mae?” ask Abu panic.

“Try to tell slowly let us understand.” said Ridwan who listened.

“Tadi Mae wakes Kak Cut to prayer. Brother Cut did not wake up, continued Mae shouted from below.”

“Terus?” ask Ridwan.

“Kak Cut answered Mae by shouting also Abu, Umi. Mae was scared. Brother Cut never shouted before.”

Abu and Umi looked at each other and then laughed. “He's working on you. So don't like to scream. Turn avenged you even fear like this.”

***

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