My Love Journey's
Pillow Talk

My head was filled with all sorts of mixed feelings, yet I immediately tried to shake it off to enjoy the calmness and satisfaction Paul gave me. My bad habit of thinking too much about something often makes me doubt and without me realizing it makes me not enjoy life.

The reason why I felt the need to help people and be a nurse, actually started from my childhood, which indirectly pushed me to become a thinker.

Unlike me, Paul doesn't seem to worry about anything, it's another thing that makes us so different.

With all the obvious differences between us, how could this situation be justified? I lay by his side, hugging him without wearing anything, wedged between his body and the back of the sofa. My fingers were playing on his chest while his hands were holding me back.

"What do you want to do about our date tomorrow?" Her voice broke the silence that had occurred for a while after our hot romance.

I realized I should have slept as soon as possible, but my mind was still raging, I wouldn't be able to close my eyes.

"Can we consider this a date?" my snoring was soft, eyes fixated on the darkness all over his body in the living room.

"No. Tell me what you like, Rapunzel. What about dinner at my house?"

"For you to serve me and do something that women love?" I said repeating his words, and he chuckled.

Paul tightened his arms. "Fright, babe."

"Paul, listen..." I raised my head a little to look at him. "We have to stop this."

Paul frowned while the look in his eyes turned cloudy. He remained silent for a while before speaking. "Do you really want us to stop here?"

I took a heavy breath while shaking my head. "It's confusing, Paul, and it's not me who makes it so. I fear. I want a peaceful and quiet life, please don't mess things up by forcing me into your spotlight. I like you, but..."

"I never forced you,"

"Yes, you didn't force me. But every time you're with a woman, there's always going to be some sloping news afterwards. I've experienced it, and I don't want to be stuck in such a state forever."

Paul sighed, putting his hands in his hair. I know he's tired, but we need to get this straight. "I'm tired of solitude, you won't know how sickening my life is, Bianka."

Whatdoes thatmean? Is he trying to say that he likes me? Does he want me to accompany him? I mean, fill up his sickening days? Waw.

Pau. "I know you don't like being the center of attention, but I also know you care about me" she added. "We can hide this relationship if that's what you want."

I fell silent, not knowing what to say because this is a very new kind of relationship for me. I've been in contact with someone in the past, but it's not this complicated. Paul and his life, somehow I feel I won't be able to adapt to all that.

"Please say something, Bianka. Don't embarrass me."

Paul took a deep breath. "I realize my life has always been highlighted, and if you think I sleep with every woman..."

"I don't think so. You said don't just believe the gossip, and I did. About your picture and Valerie, people think she's just one of the women who's gonna warm up your bed but I know you're just helping Carl and Valerie keep their relationship closed" I murmured. "You're a good man, Paul. It's just..."

"Just not for you?" Paul's tone obviously sounded disappointed and I felt bad for breaking his heart, especially since he had tried to be kind and honest with me.

"I don't want to give you false hope" I said. "As you said, I care about you, more than I should. But I doubt it. Not to you, but to the attention I'd get if we hooked up."

Paul is beating again. "Okay, I get it now, you're thinking too far. We can do it, Bianka."

"No. This is what's happening now. You may think this is normal, all the attention you get will have no impact on you because you're used to it. But not for me, Paul. I won't be able to get used to and adapt to your drama-filled environment."

"Vinka..."

"No. Listen to me," I'm quick. "Our lives are very different, no doubt about it. I don't know how about you, but I loved my quiet life before we met. I'm free to do anything, anywhere, and with anyone without worrying, but all that calmness has changed since we had dinner. We're just having dinner, Paul, but look at the impact, and I'm sure you know what's going to happen next if we continue this."

"Not yet about Travis. He doesn't know anything, but now he's getting dragged into our problems. That doesn't mean I blame you, just that there are some people who don't like attention, and I'm one of them. I want to keep my life to myself, not to be spread and become public consumption. Trust me, we can't be together."

"Bianka, why are you so stubborn? I told you..."

"I can't!" I muttered loudly, causing Paul to flinch and I soon realized that my reaction was too much. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you."

"It's okay. I get your point. But please, can you think about it one more time?"

I let out a frustrated breath, inwardly groaning as he was too persistent to expect our relationship to continue in a more serious direction, and it was frightening to me. Well, we slept together, but there was no feeling more than to satisfy a sexual need, at least that's how I felt. I consider him nothing more than a bed-sharing friend. No feelings of love and such...

"You know? You're pushing me too much, Paul, and it's starting to scare me."

"I didn't mean to scare you, Bianka. I just want you to know how I feel about you." Pau rubbed my back gently. "I can give you as much time as you need, but please consider what I say, hm? Please..."

I looked at him, trying to figure out if there was a lie in his eyes. But all I saw was a great hope, as if he were pleading with earnestness.

I took a breath before nodding my head. "Okay."

Paul surprised me by kissing my forehead and then hugging me back. "Good night, Bianka."

"Good night."