Broken Mind Eric's Diary
November 08th

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"Of the twelve months of the year, only November is the month I always look forward to."

"What's the reason you're looking forward to November? It's not your birth month, Hoonie."

"Because November is cold, and it always rains."

I thought it would be forever, November would be my favorite month and Hoonie's.

I don't know, actually I'm not interested in the moon, other than the name is more aesthetic than other months.

Whatever she likes, I like it too.

Hoonie loves the rain. He said in November, the rain always falls more beautifully. I agreed to that when I saw it firsthand. They came down to earth in a consistent rhythm. Hoonie looks calm in the rain of November, but it is very cold.

Seeing it that calm, makes me comfortable. That's why I also love the month of November that he likes.

But now, the 11th month has become a dark month for me. Besides the cold I don't like, this month half of my world is collapsing. My tears seemed to be drained away along with the rain.

Small specks fell on the earth accompanying his departure. Even a day full of rain seemed reluctant to stop, as if they were trying hard to touch the body lying stiff down there.

Although I have lost half my world, I cannot say that November is a month I hate. Because I always remember, he loved this 11th month so much.

Maybe in the coming year, when I meet with November I will remember him with a smile.

To be honest it is not only a matter of November, because he likes the rain so much then, every time I see the rain falling I want to shout to call his name.

But again this mouth restrained, as much as possible did not come out of my mouth that name. It feels tight and sick.

"You are an angel without wings."

Those words made me happy, without knowing why. But if he knew he was my wing.

If I were an angel like he said, then I wouldn't be able to fly without wings like him.

And now, that angel of pride became an ordinary man who was slumped in endless sorrow.

My wings have been broken, my hope of flying high is no longer there.

The pouring rain was the only weakness that made me reluctant to walk away.

A dark world, a quiet world.

How do I get out of the dark?

The more I tried to walk, the deeper I got into the deeper trough, lost in the darkness and unable to find a way out.

Juyeon and Hyunjae may be my bright spot, but my world is too dark to dim their light.

Occasionally a warm hand reached for me, leading me to the exit. But I was too weak to continue, until the hand faded and was not seen again.

Hoonie~

Is it hard to go without you?

Can't you go back and push me out?

You know me so well, who always depends on you. Then why did you leave?

WH WHY?

Are you so sure I can find my own way?

Don't you feel sorry for me one bit?

The rain has now subsided, but not with my sadness.

The remains are still smelled, the smell of rain and fine dew is rippling over the earth. My path is closed, the darkness never ends.

I know you can't do it, but can you go back to Hoonie?

To be my wings that are always stretched out.

I need you so much, miss you Hoonie.

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