Mysterious Gus
#58. With Ben
..."The one thing I'm grateful for in my troubled life is people who listen to me sincerely, not just curiously,"...
...Alfarrel...
Sitting in his great chair with his legs resting on his left leg. A body that looks broken with a tired face, but a line of smiles adorn the face of his handsome. It was Alfarel. The man was focusing on his phone screen.
"You haven't changed" said Farel, staring fixedly at a vidio who showed the face of Fisha. Vidio was sent by Tiam this afternoon, but only opened at night because of his urgent work from last night.
"For the last man, Gus Farel. Fisha doesn't know where Gus is. But please, Fisha, come home quickly. We're all waiting for Gus to come home,"
Farel's face that seemed to sparkle turned into a wistful when he heard that sentence from Fisha.
"Including you?" Farel Lirih muttered.
"I'm going home, but it's going to take a long time. Maybe it'll make you tired,"
Tok Tok Tok Tok Tok Tok Tok
The sound of knocking on the door blew Farel's daydream. Justifying his sitting position and keeping his cell phone, Farel made a voice inviting the man to enter.
"Excuse me sir" a French-faced man entered with his language.
"What's wrong?" Actually Farel understood the intention of the arrival of his right hand, there must be an offer for his night activities, namely as a hitman.
"A client who seems to be cunning" the man named Arno gave a file to Farel.
"He asks us to kill someone who doesn't deserve to die, but he manipulates, making it seem like that person deserves to die,"
Farel smiled cynically, "Then it should be him who deserves to die," muttered Farel irritated himself.
As you already know, Farel is a hit man who is not arbitrary. He will carefully investigate the potential victims. Farel would only kill people he thought deserved to die.
"Just ignore! Next time don't tell me if there's anything like this! Directly reject!" Farel's Word is taken by Arno.
"So, who's going to be with me tonight?" Ask Farel with a creepy smirk. Arno looked creepy to see it.
"Rose, sir," replied Arno who was greeted by a sigh by Farel.
"It seems tonight is a quiet night for me" Farel leaned his head with his eyes closed.
"Master needs something?"
"No need, I'll go home. You too, go home soon after finding someone for me" Farel rose from his seat of greatness and left Arno.
"What a quiet night," a faint smile etched sweetly on Farel's lips.
He decided not to go straight home and preferred to walk to the city park, still complete with office clothes.
Although the atmosphere is late at night, the city of Paris still looks very crowded with people passing by and colorful lights.
Farel landed his body on one of the park benches, his hands folded in front of his chest and his eyes were engrossed in watching the crowd even though his mind was floating.
Sighing was something Farel often did now. A lot of things lay in his brain, but he didn't know what to think first.
"Umma, Farel kangen Umma," said Farel lirih.
"Why should Farel be, Ma?" Farel spoke quite loudly while rubbing his hair that was already messy.
"Ck, si*l!" Umpat Farel rudely got up from his seat and passed, his only option at this time was to meet his psychiatrist.
***
Farel was staring at the middle of the building before him at this moment. He was tired of visiting the hospital where he consulted.
"Al?" Farel turned his head as he looked at the figure of the man who was calling out and walking towards him. It was Ben, Farel's psychiatric doctor during his time in France, they knew him well and Farel thought Ben should always be close to him as his doctor. Farel was comfortable consulting with Ben despite having to go to the hospital often.
"You sick?" Ben asked as he stood before Farel.
"Finding you,"
Ben nodded, understanding that Farel was not in good condition now, because Farel had never visited him other than the scheduled meeting.
"You're in my room?" Bargain Ben's.
Farel shook his head, "Take the road," asked Farel to walk first.
"I don't know what I don't know. I'm tired, riled up, fucked up,"
Ben nodded, Farel always told vague stories like this. Sometimes it makes Ben upset himself. But Ben understood, Farel's condition is difficult.
"Thank you for your Ummah?" Guess what Ben Farel is calling.
"Actually, I lost my way without Umma. Without Umma, I don't know who I am,"
Ben rubbed Farel's shoulder, "You didn't lose your way, you just missed him. You're still Alfarel,"
"Sometimes I wonder, is my choice to come to this country right?"
"Your goal to go is not wrong, but your way of going is wrong. You're like this because the way you were from the beginning was wrong. There's worry, regret and guilt about you, but you don't want to admit it,"
"Therefore, now all you have to do is change it, don't let yourself continue to feel wrong. Make the wrong way it becomes a result that remains perfect" continued Ben then looked at Farel who seemed to digest his words.
"You're not entirely wrong, Al. You are great, because you love yourself, because you think of yourself, and because your love for yourself is what brings you to this place. You want to heal, because you love yourself. Not many people can love themselves,"
"I can still be called loving myself, when I am still hurting my own body,"
"Everyone has his own way of loving himself, even though his ways are wrong. You hurt her to make her pain go away, isn't that the purpose of loving yourself?"
Farel was silent, not answering the final sentence that Ben had proposed.
"But your ways are not entirely justified, Al. Slowly, you, me, us, will be able to change it. We can definitely change the way we love in a better way" Ben patted Farel on the shoulder.
"Am I too evil to make someone wait? I didn't ask her to wait for me, but I kind of forced her to wait,"
Ben smiled, this time there is a new story that Farel will tell. And Ben was convinced, this time about the figure of the girl Farel loved. Ben already knows that Farel loves someone, but Ben doesn't know for sure.
"You are evil, Al," Ben chuckled. Maybe it's rude, but that's how Ben is, he'll wake up in a way that's kind of ugly, or even very ugly.
"But you do it all for a reason. And your reason is very strong. You have to love yourself more" Ben said.
"His name is Nafisha, she's beautiful. Every time I see it, something strange shows up. Like a sense of wanting to have,"
Ben laughed softly, "That's love,"
"Today is her graduation day, she looks beautiful in the dress I once gave her. I can't help myself, though,"
"Sweet smile, bright eyes, wise words, but plain before me. I want to hug her,"
"Then, you want to go home?"
"Would very much. But I realized I didn't deserve him. He's perfect, he's healthy. He will suffer if he is with me. Don't know what's going to happen in the future, I could have hurt her with my own hands,"
Ben sighed, his own guard down with the behavior of the patient who also doubles up to be his friend.
"You're wrong, Al. It's definitely not that perfect. Everyone has advantages and disadvantages, right? Your shortcomings will be complete, and your shortcomings will be complete. Just because he's healthy he can be with you. Do you want to be with someone in trouble? Surely not, is it? Don't be stupid with your race, Al," circus Ben's upset.
"You only hurt yourself, not others. You've been with Karaya and Hyeon all this time, have you ever hurt them with your hands? No, right?! All this time with me, have you ever hurt me? Nah! I don't think it's your mental problem, but your brain" Ben continues to be upset himself.
Ben sighed as they had been silent for quite a while. His feet just followed where Farel was going.
"Don't be shallow, Al! Focus on healing yourself and getting used to it. You're the one who said, even if it doesn't heal, you're at least getting better at getting used to the pain, at least,"
"Don't feel alone, Al. You got me and the others,"
"Thank you, Ben. You're a good doctor and friend,"
"Either. No need to bother me. Now go home, rest. Spend time on me, he needs you to pamper,"
Farel nodded, "You go home too. Sorry I delayed your return hours,"
"You didn't delay or bother me. I'm glad you're looking for me, I feel like a useful friend. If you need anything, just find me, don't think twice,"
Farel smiled faintly and nodded before Ben actually went in the opposite direction towards his residence.
"Ma, doain Farel can improve, so Farel can see Umma again,"
Tbc...
^^^#as.zey^