INCESTUOUS MARRIAGE (Blood Marriage)
CHAPTER 10 - INCESTUOUS MARRIAGE

IM.10 LOST A FRIEND

ALLURA GIBSON

It feels like I've been living in Thimphu with Joshua for a long time without doing anything. Every day I just locked myself in the house and dissolved in emotions that raged not knowing the direction. I want to go out of the house to work. But my status as a pregnant woman and the condition of my body that felt increasingly declining, made me think long enough to find a job. I not only feel bored because I am always at home without any interaction with outsiders. But I also feel like a useless person because I always hang my life on other people like Joshua.

After driving Joshua who will go to work to the front of the house, I was planning to go out of the house to find a job. But somehow, after taking the medicine and vitamins given to me by the obstetrician, my body suddenly felt weakened. In addition, my mood that had been fine, immediately raged with various problems that piled on my mind. I always hoped that my heart and mind would be at peace with the situation I was living in. But the longer I felt the deeper I got, the harder it was to get up.

How not? Whenever I was alone at home, I was always overshadowed by my beautiful past with its painful end. I've tried to shake off all those uncomfortable feelings. But the more I tried to calm down, the more depressed I felt. As I feel right now. When I am alone at home, I will feel so great sadness that it makes me cry suddenly in a long time. And this I often experience some time after taking the drugs and vitamins that the doctor prescribed for me. Could this be the effect of my pregnancy hormones?

During my second child's pregnancy, I felt like there was a lot of change in me than before. I not only felt a bad and sad mood that continued to cry for quite a while. But I also feel guilty, hopeless, inferior and worthless whenever I think of the painful past. In addition, I also easily feel tired and lose energy to not taste to eat. Even the occasional desire to kill myself when I was no longer able to cope with all the bad things that accumulate in my mind.

On the one hand, I want to stop taking the drugs and vitamins given by the obstetrician. Because I always feel a significant change in the direction of worse every time I finish drinking it. But on the other hand I was aware of my condition that was pregnant. All those drugs and vitamins have been prescribed by my doctor. Surely all of that is very good for my future baby and also myself. So that I choose to continue to consume it in accordance with the advice of the doctor to me.

When my body felt weak and powerless, I undo my intention to go out of the house and go back to the room. I lay my body on the bed in a chaotic mood and excessive anxiety. At the same time all the bad memories of the past came to my mind all of a sudden. I am not only reminded of Adrian Ma who was lost in the waves and Albert Ma who uttered hurtful words to me. But the events of Albert Ma taking away my freedom also came back to my mind. All the bad things are mixed into one. It made me so hurt by reality, through such a deep trauma.

"No... No. gabe... Adrian is alive. He must have come home to be with me. No, Adrian didn't drown. He just swam not far from me. How could he drown. HOW COULD HE DROWN AND JUST DISAPPEAR?"

After screaming to vent my uncontrollable emotions, suddenly Adrian Ma's tiny face as a baby flashed through my mind. I smiled for a moment considering her cute and handsome little face. But my smile faded as I remembered the smile and dimple that looked like Albert Ma. At the same time I felt back to the atmosphere of the beach which was quite rowdy where Adrian Ma was out of my sight. With all my might I shouted, "ADRIAN... ADRIAN... ADRIAN...!"

I don't know for sure how long I've been in such a mess that I can't understand. As my mood began to improve, the sky outside had already begun to darken the sign that the sun had sunk. I also don't know for sure what happened in that long time. It's just that right now I've seen the mess in my room with various belongings of mine strewn across the floor. Looking at the chaos before my eyes, my head ached and asked myself, "What happened. Why does this room look so messy?"

When I looked around with a confused face, suddenly my phone on the side table went off. I spontaneously turned to the direction where my phone was. A foreign number is calling me. Making me the first to get a phone call from a foreign number ask in my heart, I think only Joshua knows my phone number. Why is there a foreign number calling me now?

I stared at the screen of my phone that was still on for quite a while. Although my phone had been contacted by several foreign numbers in turn, I who was sitting on the bed just kept quiet without answering it. Right now the faces of Albert Ma and my family come to mind. Makes me think of them thinking that they're the ones who found me and called me. Maybe Albert Ma wouldn't be looking for a woman who has made misadventures in his life. But my family, who loved me so much, must have worried me so much. Making the longing for both my parents and my brother reappear in my heart. With tears I said, "I'm sorry. I miss you guys so much."

I stayed with my body for a long time. Until finally the name Joshua appeared on my phone screen as a contact who was contacting me. It made me realize that he had not yet returned home, immediately grabbed my phone and answered a phone call from him. In a hoarse voice I said, "Hallo, Joshua."

Hearing an unfamiliar voice from across the phone made me frown while replying, "Sorry, Mister. I'm not Joshua's wife or girlfriend. We were both just friends. So I guess you're wrong."

"I don't think I'm wrong, miss. Because in his phone book, only this contact is given a heart symbol without any other name. So I guess Miss is a very important person to him."

I was stunned for a moment to hear the words of the man across the phone. I was stunned because I did not expect that Joshua would give the heart symbol to my phone number that was in his phone contact. At the same time I was also curious about the person who had just spoken to me. To make me want to know, he asked, "If I may know, who are you? Why is Joshua's phone on Mister?"

"Include me, I'm Jigme from the Thimphu City police department. Me and some of my colleagues have tried to contact Miss with our mobile number just a moment ago. But even if Miss doesn't answer. So I took the initiative to contact Miss using Mr. Joshua's cell phone."

Instantly I was shocked to hear the answer from the person across the phone. I didn't expect the person I was talking to right now was a cop and used Joshua's cell phone to talk to me. At the same time a bad feeling about Joshua appeared in my heart. Making me feel even more curious again asked, "Where is Joshua, Mister? Did something bad happen to him? Why is the phone on the master?"

The person across the phone was silent for a moment. Although he said nothing, I could hear his heavy breathing. He replied, "I'm sorry, miss. But I have to tell Miss that Mr. Joshua is gone."

"What's? How did that happen?" I asked in a shocked tone as if I could not believe what I just heard. Then tears rolled down my cheeks imagining how my life would be without Joshua by my side.

"Mr Joshua was in an accident, Miss. He was a hit-and-run victim of an irresponsible driver. The team of doctors had been trying to save her who was seriously injured. But unfortunately the life of Mr. Joshua was not helped because of the impact so great on the head. Not only did he have a brain hemorrhage, but he also had broken bones in several parts of his body. From the hospital CCTV footage we got, Mr. Joshua was hit repeatedly by the car in a parking area that was quite quiet from the crowd."

Hearing the explanation from the policeman who was across the phone, made me so shocked not able to say anything. It felt like just a moment ago I drove Joshua to the front of the house before he went to work. Now suddenly I hear bad news about him leaving for good. Makes me who was so close to him feel very sad. Even today I feel like I'm losing light in my life and a place to lean. Not only did I lose a good friend, but I also lost a friend who had always been there for me in both joy and sorrow.

Joshua, why are you leaving so soon? What am I supposed to do without you? Didn't you promise me you'll always be there for me? How is my life here without you? Are the cops talking to me joking? I still remember that you promised to bring me some strawberry ice cream. Did you forget that? kepakatku.

"Miss... Missy... Is Miss still there? Is Miss okay."

I haven't had time to respond to what the policeman was saying across the phone, my tongue felt stupid to not be able to answer. My body also felt so weak helpless, and my gaze slowly darkened. Until finally I was unconscious no longer know what happened.