Wagering
All The Problem is Me

Minutes draining the tears that he had been storing alone, Blue felt his heart feel empty. Not relieved, just like something was missing, but still not making her feel better.

Under the dim light, he sat down and hugged himself. Behind him, just behind his back, Baskara still did not move from his position, watching how he cried like a madman, cursing like a human who had never been taught manners.

In recent years, Blue has filled her heart with the ambition to avenge her heartache. However, when time finally reunites him with Baskara, what can be found from the grudge is nothing more than mixed feelings that he himself does not know how to describe.

The moment when Baskara touched her lips a few minutes ago came back to a clear image of her head. When he should have felt angry, what felt so dominant in his chest was the brazen explosions that made him realize; he still loved the young man. A fact that he repeatedly tepis, trying to annihilate every time he wanted to burst out from inside his head.

In fact, years of cultivating grudges do not necessarily make the feeling disappear. There, he even felt how miserable he was because he missed the young man secretly. Her lips were always saying hate, but her little heart was constantly whining for validation. That feeling still exists, and it cannot be that easy to eliminate it.

One breath so deep Blue took as her head grew full and the tightness returned to her chest. With a voice trembling as the remains of the cry still loomed clear in the eye, he said, "I have suffered for many years, Bas. Busy questioning what is wrong, what is less than myself to the point that you leave me without a word of saying goodbye. I destroyed myself, killed my old soul just to present a fake figure that—gue thought could make me hate you and erase all the feelings I had."

"Gue destroyed. I'm lonely. But I can't tell anyone, because there's nothing left. No one else stayed by my side after you and my parents both died."

Slowly, Blue twisted her body. With her eyes moist and reddened, she looked at Baskara who was sitting quietly in front of her. It was clear that the beautiful eyes that he had always worshipped were now covered in a clear mist that was ready to shed into tears. But Blue did not have the power to break the tears so as not to fall, because his own even he could not control.

"The blue that used to be really dead" he said. Tucked away a faint smile as she recalled how happy she used to be. What a cheerful girl who can laugh for simple things. How he did not want so many grandiose things in the world, just enough with the people who were on his side at that time—including Baskara.

The longer, the fog that enveloped the Netra Baskara grew thicker. But strangely, the rain of tears did not come down even though Blue could see the young man's shoulders began to tremble.

Blue wants to scream, if you can. But all that happened was that he took a deep breath while considering whether he should continue his sentence or not.

Most first loves end up sick. Between being left clapping one hand, or ending up being a memory when adulthood finally realizes that love alone is not enough to establish a relationship. But, did anyone indeed whose first love left such a drawn-out wound as he felt now?

"Gue's tired, Bas. I am confused about my own feelings. Why can't I hate the same? Why am I still sitting here together lo, when I should have kicked you out after everything that happened? Why am I dragging myself closer to you, but I can run away when I know that you are around me. Why ... why do I even still hope you'll explain to me the reason you left at that time?" his tears melted again, and Sabiru had no strength to just wipe him down.

"Tell me, Bus. What is wrong." he said softly on the sidelines of the sobbing that is increasingly becoming.

Baskara wanted to explain everything, telling her the reason why she had to let go of the fragile Sabiru in order not to break up with her. However, his lips were tightly locked. All he could do was gather more courage, to cling the trembling body before him into an embrace.

"All the problem is me." Baskara said after successfully holding Sabiru tightly. "Gue the bastard. I'm too cowardly, Blue. You don't have to question what's wrong with you, because there's absolutely nothing." He rubbed Sabiru's back.

"I'm sorry, Blue. Sorry.." that very second, the tears that had been resistant Baskara desperately finally shed. She cried, with Sabiru sobbing in her arms.

Seriate