Project : Alterization
Chapter 13

Chapter 4: Bitter

Confessions of others. Everything looks beautiful when we have it. Praise, respect, being looked up to, and all the positive things that others give us. As if, it was an ultimate happiness that everyone desperately wanted to achieve. It is as if our purpose was to be created and to live in this world. Wanting to be seen by others, wanting to be praised, wanting to be the most perfect. Nothing can beat us. That is true happiness.

But it turns out it was wrong. Confession is like a child. Pseudo-happiness that is always desired by many people. He will certainly never belong to anyone. But people are still chasing him. Everyone has a different head. Their thinking will always change and we will never have control over it. They belong to someone else and will be forever. So, what else do you want to pursue? What do you still expect from that thought slave? There will be no such thing as happiness. Only the void will wait for you behind it all.

...ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ...

Majma' da'wah selection will take place in the future. Friday's Day. I felt ready that night. So confident of himself, I felt no need to prepare anymore. Though I heard rumors that there would be a lecture test in the selection. While I've never spoken before. I underestimated too much. When my friends who also signed up to really prepare, I just fell asleep on the bed. Lazy. This is Friday night anyway. The night that was properly spent to berleha-leha for the santri, because the next day is a holiday.

"Ah, I look good, really. InshaAllah accept, lah.." so I thought so much to believe him.

While leaning my head on both hands, I lay on my bed to unwind all day. Sipping on the warm milk I just made. Ah, it's good to do a routine like this every Friday night. For us, Friday night was like a weekend spent hanging out in a cafe, even though we could not get out of the pesantren. Drinking white coffee feels like a Starbucks premium drink. Haha...

However, the calmness of the soul was urged to disappear after the arrival of Tsari who brought a piece of paper while in a hurry. I woke up from my bed.

"Hey, what's the rush?" my many.

"You make a nameplate, bahlul! Ana forgot cak.." she immediately ransacked the cardboard as if looking for many things at once.

"Board? A name? Make ap-vegetable! Ana also forgot. Make an MD, huh?"

The sun published itself on Friday morning. Inevitably, I must be ready to face the selection today. Eight o'clock exactly. That's the time this selection will begin. And we already had to be in the Mecca building two before that time came. I also used this time to take a shower and get ready, while it was still six in the morning. Then re-read the Tajwid books and books of Tsaqofah Islamiyah which if can help for selection later. Wearing a white cocoa shirt, black hunchback, and not forgetting to bring the nameplate I just made last night. I also went to the madrasa on the actual day of the holiday.

Arriving there, it turns out the madrasah building is still very quiet. There were only a few seniors from the majma' dakwah who were the organizers of this selection, walking around the building. Pacing from the first floor to the third floor with Chitose chairs, snack boxes, files, and so on. In the meantime, I haven't seen any of my friends sign up. Tsari also has not seen her nose today. I don't know what they're all doing. Is it still not finished getting ready?

I got into the building first. Climb to the third floor, the place where Class 2A is located. It was there that the selection for the first group of kloter took place. And I belong to that first group of clients. When I see the names of the order of the registrants, my name is the top one. In a sense, I am the first person who will enter the room and then be selected first. A sudden vibration shocked my body. For some reason, I suddenly shuddered in horror. Body shaking. It was like wanting to pee constantly. What kind of feeling is this?

A quarter of an hour passed. Finally they came in droves. Hashim, Tsaqif, Tsari and others. While I've been waiting ever since on this third floor. I watched them from behind the wall on the third floor. And they arrived at the place where I was standing right now.

"First party!"

Shortly thereafter, I was called. A committee in a majma' dakwah suit led me into the classroom. I followed and went to class.

"Assalamualaikum.." as soon as I entered the room, I was immediately startled by the layout of the class made in this way. I was in the middle of class, meanwhile, seven semicircular benches were arranged around me. The rois of each division, sitting on the bench. What kind of selection is this? It's more like a trial for the suspects at the judgment.

I was asked to raise my signboard with both hands. And at that moment, the cameraman crew immediately took a picture of me. Turns out that's the only use of the nameplate I've made all night. Then I entered the first stage of the selection. Tajwid's understanding. I think I can answer all their questions correctly. Then I move on to the second stage. Tilawah Quran. I was asked to read the Quran with tartil and follow the correct guidelines of the tajwid laws. So far it's been smooth. Take me to the next stage. Tsaqofah Islamiya. I don't think there's a problem here either. There are only a few questions I can't answer.

And finally, I arrived at one last stage before the end of this registration selection. Yes, exactly as the rumors speak. They asked me to speak. A bespectacled Rois with a tall stature who was sitting on that middle bench, looked at me cynically. From the look in his eyes, he seemed to have disliked me since the first time he saw me. From then on, he also continued to post whatever answers I gave, whether it was right or wrong. And this time it was his turn to finish me off in the lecture section. My body just got more shaky.