Life
POVS. Tama.

I keep running.. Keep running until I don't know where to stop??

I never even thought about where I would stop to run.. Fear, anxiety, sadness and all the feelings I had always covered it up. Even if I knew, it wouldn't be good. But, I still can't reveal it to anyone.

What am I supposed to do??

I don't know at all.. I have no idea what will happen at that crossroads..

My life, it seemed, collapsed when my loved ones left for good and never came back.

A figure that really makes me calm when I'm with him. A figure that I can really make my backrest when I want to sleep in his lap. A person who can teach me with tenderness and affection. A very good figure, even though I often do naughty things.

He left, but I'm staying. Somehow I survived. Somehow I can be my old self again. Until I decided to become a figure that is very disliked by others, even my own brother sometimes does not care about me.

I know a boy can't be sad just for something, but can't I just take it out a little?

I often ask myself what to do when my heart is falling.

I just want to lean.. I just want to fall asleep in the lap of someone warm and comfortable.

However, again I could not, until I chose to keep running without ever caring about anything else.

Weary..

Really Tired..

Surely I won't be able to go back to my starting point..

Until I finally found him, I thought at first he was an insignificant and very low figure. But, I was wrong.. He was brave but scared too.. Pfftts.. How laughable.

I know very well, this me..

My self is very different from the others.

About that box necklace.. Yeah, that necklace, from my mom.. Even though the one who gave it was not from my mother's hands directly. My aunt gave it to me. She was very close to my mother. They used to walk together when I was a kid.

It was true, the necklace was like it had power. At first I didn't know, but there was one incident that led me to believe that he did exist.

That's when I always carry it because I feel comfortable every time I wear it feeling like mom is always around me.

However, there was one incident that lately always made me feel strange. I feel like I can't control myself. Like someone came in and controlled me.

Until I really couldn't control it and I started to violence everyone around me at that time.

When I realized, those people were already sprawled. Even to this day.. I still don't know why I'm like that..

All I could do was shut up and run again. Until I don't know where else to walk. Even to this day..

I still don't know why I always do. Until he came into my life and my day. And at that time, I had absolutely no idea why I could do that to him. I hit him, even though I don't remember how I hit him, still I know that, I did it to him.

My heart hurts a lot, but I can't show it to her. And when the necklace was gone and I didn't know where the necklace went. I began to feel the things I missed so much. It felt so warm like my mother's love.

I got it from him. She is just an ordinary girl and has nothing but her family and herself. He who keeps a great distance and keeps his principles, makes me aware and increasingly not know what this feeling is that is peaking in this heart.

Hemm... But he still does not know what that feeling is. Maybe what other people say is true, about love and so on. But, it was very difficult to digest by Tama himself.

Even like that, I strangely didn't want him to stay away, and leave. And I let her remain my wife, albeit without a definite sense.

I still often think, why he still accepts this marriage when he must have known my ugly nature. Although surely he will answer that because he wants to make the family happy, but that is not a strong reason. Sometimes there are negative thoughts about whether he wants my treasure alone.. However, during this month he was so good at everything.

He followed whatever I ordered, even until he covered up what I had done to him until his wounds.

°°°

In the garden around his apartment.

As usual, Tama was jogging there. As for Juli, she cleaned up everything in every room. Then cook and serve at the dining table.

Bruukkkkc..

" Eh. sorry.sorry.sorry.." said the woman who hit him.

" Yes, it's okay.." With his cold demeanor he immediately went back to jogging again.

" Eh.. You, Tama right??"

" Hemm, yeah.who is it??"

" It's me, Fanka, Jifanka.your little friend first.."

" Huh..who is it?? I don't know, I forget.."

" Hemm. sad deh. masa ga inget si. that's loh. at that time, your mother often invited you to play to my house. and we always played together. Time to get out of it.."

" Ah.. yes... why are you here?? it's not since you guys moved to Japan that you've never been to the indo again.."

" Hemm.emang difficult yes, talking to people who are cold and jutek gini.. Yes.we go to indo only these years.. All right, I learned to hold Papah's company here."

" Ogh.. that's it. congratulations yes.you've managed to hold the company here.. I'm leaving first.." Tama just pull it out of there.

" Leh.. Leh.. kok. go. loh. time so doang. mercy deh. have old friends just meet again. juteknya kebangetan. huh.."

" But she looks different from the last time I saw her picture."

Unsuspectedly.. Someone saw the incident from up there.

•••

At Tama's apartment, he went in and drank the water near the table rack by the door.

" Huh. tired."

" yes.. Do you want to have breakfast afterwards or.."

" I'll take a shower first.. Muahs.. "

Suddenly, he kissed Juli. It made him feel more mixed.

.....