KISS NOTE
TEN: Part One

Yoon Eunsoo -

I was smiling to myself at the moment, the gentle gusts of wind that swept across my face subtly made my smile even more fluffy. It seems. Why am I like this? Because I was remembering and repeating the incident that happened in Raja Ampat, Indonesia some time ago in my memory. I didn't think the advice Lee gave was very useful.

Kwon Taehyun's attitude was very different after I used Lee's psychiatrist's advice when compared to before. Like someone with a double personality. The more I know him, the more curious I become. Psychiatrist Lee is indeed great, he really understands the advantages and disadvantages of his own best friend. Could it be that I have fallen in love?

This is the tenth day I am at the Kwon family residence. The head of the family did not allow me to go home on my return from Raja Ampat. He wanted me to start learning to be the daughter-in-law of this family. Once again I do not understand why I feel happy and ashamed at the same time when President Kwon expressed his wish.

This house is quite comfortable even though before I was scared when I stepped inside. However, now the feeling I have about this house is different, all because of Shinhye eommoni. She has a kind heart, treats like her own daughter.

Every day I was in the kitchen with Shinhye eommoni. In the morning we prepare breakfast, during the day cook lunch and in the evening cook dinner menu for family members. Unlike Kwon's president who would only be at the dinner table at breakfast and dinner, Taehyun would be at the dinner table every meal time as he was always at home. I mean, he didn't go to the office because Taehyun had a special room that he made the office, complete with several staff working directly with him at home.

Waitaminute! Right now I don't find Shinhye eommoni in the kitchen. Where's she?

I walked into the greenhouse with a small garden inside, where usually Shinhye eommoni spent almost half the time he had to take care of his ornamental plants but nothing. Back inside the house, I walked down a slightly unfamiliar passageway because my steps never got here. A large frame caught my attention, the frame that was in the room made my step towards it. Unbeknownst to me, I was already in the room and had been standing right in front of the frame that caught my attention from the outside. How surprised to see the face plastered there, for a while I was like looking in a very large mirror. Before you know who is there.

“Seolma! Aunt Eunhye?!” my whiskey.

“Eunsoo?” call someone from behind.

I turned around and found Shinhye eommoni with bathrobe, “Eommoni... cwesonghaeyo.” My surprised speech did not realize my dudity.

“What's up? You looking for me?” He walked to the dresser and began to sit down.

I slightly lowered my head trying to hide my nervousness that had presumptuously entered his room. I occasionally glimpsed a large picture in the frame glued to the wall of his room, “I want permission to go home. It's been ten days since I said to go on vacation to my father and mother, I'm afraid they're too worried.”

“True. At least you should meet your parents because they must miss you.”

I was surprised to hear Shinhye eommoni's response, as surprised as I was smoothly looking for a reason to escape this situation.

* * *

What I saw in the room bothered my mind a lot on the way home. I knew President Kwon was pretty crazy and reckless but I didn't expect him to be this crazy and reckless, displaying a picture of a deceased ex-lover in the master room, the place where it should be the throne of the wife. Plus its huge size.

I can't imagine what hardships Shinhye eommoni went through throughout her marriage to president Kwon. Jealousy, anger, envy and possibly aggravation held in the chest. How could Shinhye eommoni swallow it raw, as if there had never been a photo of it there.

Has the frame been on display there since they got married? The age of Taehyun? How can I be his daughter-in-law while he is tormented because of a woman who looks like me?

“Eomma... Eomma... Eomma!” call me when I get home but do not find a mother figure in the family room, “Eomma.... Eoddiseoyo?”

“Eunsoo? You it? Why are you coming home? Did something happen?” My mom came out of her room. His face looked surprised to see me at home.

“Yoon Eunhye imo.” It was my words that made my mother stunned. He walked to the table and sat in one of his chairs. I followed him, taking a seat right in front of him.

“Eomma, what should I do? My existence will only make Shinhye eommoni more tormented.” My voice trembled until I finally broke my tears while imagining the sadness Shinhye eommoni would receive every time I saw him.

“Why? Yep! Yoon Eunsoo, what's wrong? Stop your crying. Did Taehyun's mother do anything bad to you?” Mom rubbed my back pretty hard and fast because of the panic of seeing me cry.

“Presdir Kwon displays Eunhye imo's photo in the main room. The room where she and Shinhye Eommoni slept. As if he did not care about the feelings of his wife, President Kwon displayed it in a very large size to meet one wall in the room. Taehyun hated me so much, president Kwon hurt his mother so outrageously. Why am I so similar to imo, eomma?” my sobbing hasn't stopped and mom still keeps wiping the back of my hand even though the strokes are soft. Mother's cries began to sound along with my cries.

Forever I will be a thorn in that family, as if Eunhye imo is coming back to life and wandering around inside the house. It would hurt Shinhye eommoni for sure. Now I understand what Taehyun meant to prevent me from starting all the stories between us.

* * *

I've been home for almost a week. I refused to get in touch with Taehyun's family for a while. I don't know what kind of situation to face.

Because of this attitude of mine, two days ago President Kwon came alone to pick me up but I asked Father and Mother to ask him to leave and give me time to think about my relationship with Taehyun going forward.

I think it's time I made a decision. Dad, Mom and I were sitting together in the living room. They looked at me fixedly, looking for doubts I could hardly hide.

"But don't you like Kwon Taehyun?". Ask Dad again like he saw my doubts.

“I don't want to hurt Shinhye eommoni by wandering around his house as if not knowing about the resemblance of my face to imo.”

Mom's back sobbing. I understand how I really feel. Although I don't want to end it all but to reduce the pain of Shinhye eommoni, I have to do it.

“Good. I'll call president Kwon to cancel your engagement.” Father said softly.

Maybe someday I'll regret my decision, or I'll regret it.

I snuggled up in the room. Hiding my cry under the blanket by pulling it past the top of my head. I was so late in my sadness.

I don't know how long I've been crying, the sound of my door opening makes my crying pause. Someone came in and shut the door. Someone had pulled the nearest chair towards my bed.

“Eunsoo-ah..” call it soft.

I recognized the voice but did not dare to lower the blanket to confirm my guess.

“Don't you miss Taehyun and the home kitchen where we can have a long conversation about two men at home?” he asked while touching the blanket that covered me.

My crying broke again. I bit my lower lip withstanding the sound of crying coming out. Actually I miss everything but I don't want to hurt him continuously by showing a face that bears a resemblance to Eunhye imo.

“Can you show your face, baby? I miss the cheerful face of the future daughter-in-law of the family Kwon.” Shinhye eommoni tried to pull the blanket over to see my face but I held it back a little.

Her breath sounded deep after removing her grip on my blanket, “you saw it huh? You saw it, right? Photos of the main room.”

“Taehyun's father and I started our relationship with matchmaking. When he was betrothed, Taehyun's father was dating your aunt. It is very frustrating when you first find out, which woman is not upset to see the man who is betrothed turns out to have another woman. I was curious until I finally found out what kind of woman Taehyun's father loved,”

“Mendiang Yoon Eunhye is a perfect woman, even I can't match her. No wonder Taehyun's father loved her so much and was able to give her everything she didn't give me. It made my jealousy reach the point of blindness seeing Taehyun's father's perfect smile when they were together so I did not hesitate to pray that God immediately took it from Taehyun's father's side so that I could have taehyun's father was whole,” his voice clearly sounded vibrating. Hearing that, I started to lower my blanket and changed my position to sit facing him while looking at the lowered face of Shinhye eommoni. I could see clearly, Shinhye eommoni squeezed the back of her hand.

“Inevitable death, your aunt died. Was I grateful then? Ja. I was grateful for her passing, geundae.the day your aunt left for good became the day that Taehyun's father's sky and world collapsed. Even Taehyun's presence is not able to make me create a new world where there are me and Taehyun there.”

Her sobs broke along with me who started to hug her. Her strong and strong figure was invisible at this moment, all I saw was a fragile woman who missed her loved ones so much. I didn't say a word, I wanted Shinhye eommoni to let go of all the burdens he had been carrying all this time.

“I'm starting to understand the situation. Your aunt is Taehyun's father's first love. Although time goes as far as anything, it is not easy to forget first love. Although there is no love left for me, I will understand, because Taehyun's father is also my first love.” He was in the middle of a sobbing that still sounded heavy.

My embrace was getting tight, I was already crying with her now because I slowly dissolved in her feelings. Shinhye eommoni returned my embrace tightly.

“When we start loving someone, right then and there we decide to sincerely do anything for the sake of the person we love, selflessly. Since the happiness of that person has become our priority and it became the basis I did not protest when Taehyun's father started displaying a photo of your aunt in a very large size in our room since marriage and owning Taehyun.”

His voice was still trembling but his cries started to sound light. I let go of my embrace and looked at her face that had turned sad from crying. I held both hands, “Cwesonghaeyo eommoni..

Shinhye eommoni shook his head slowly, there was a thin smile that he gave me and it made my heart flinch. How is he that strong?

“Eunsoo-ah.. can I ask you something?” ask me softly, “Hold me. I'm sure, Taehyun will soon turn to liking and loving you. The relationship between father and son was tenuous and did not get along because I was between them. One of them does not love me, the other fights for me to be loved. If your presence is able to make the father and son relationship warm, I will still behave as before. Chatting with you, smiling as if nothing happened and staring at your face until the end of my life.”

My sobs broke again at Shinhye's request for eommoni. What is his heart made of? How could he let himself be hurt again for the sake of his husband and son? Will I be able to live with him and continue to hurt him because of this face of mine?

“Mianhabnida.jeongmal mianhabnida.”. Mother crying.

I saw my mother come in with eyes that were wet with tears. Shinhye eommoni turned to stand up to welcome my mother's presence while wiping away the tears from her already wet face.

Suddenly the mother bent her knees and sat folding her knees as a pedestal of her body, her hands clenched over her thighs. Mother lowered her head in tears, “because of my sister.. because Eunhye eonni, you have to suffer for so long.”.

* * *

The meaning of love is to love. By loving, you will understand the meaning of love itself.

Loving does not have to have, because love will never lead a person to be selfish by forcing to have. It is greed that compels oneself to have to have and I do not want to be greedy. I want to love her even though it means I can't have her.

– Park Shinhye –