I'm Just a Figurant
Ch 41 - Anxiety

Strange thoughts ran through my head. A cold sweat started to appear on my forehead. Imagining being pregnant made my body shiver.

What if I really got pregnant. What am I supposed to do?

My body was trembling at the thought of that. I took a deep breath and drank some water. Trying to calm my dazed mind.

I have to think straight. First of all, I can't guess something like this. Because conjecture will only make the mind burdened. I have to make sure that I'm not pregnant.

The first thing I can do is buy a test pack. After that I'll go to the gynecologist for a check-up. Departing from that belief, I decided to go to the pharmacy.

I was so embarrassed to buy that thing, that I decided to use a mask.

I bought six kinds of testpacks from various brands and prices. I have to make sure it's right.

The pharmacist told me to do the test in the morning because they think the hCG hormone in the morning is higher, so the accuracy of the test results will also be higher.

Since it was already night time, I decided to wait until tomorrow morning.

All night I couldn't sleep. My mind wanders everywhere. What if I'm really pregnant? What am I supposed to do?

I couldn't have told Alex. He must be sick and hate to see me. Maybe sleeping with me that night would be a disgrace he didn't want to remember. To date, Alex has never contacted me. I put my number on the table. I also always activate my phone, don't change numbers, just in case he might call me. But I didn't get any news from him.

Maybe Alex is really sorry. Yeah, he must be sorry. I made him betray Diana. He must hate me.

I really can't expect Alex to be next to me. That means, if the worst possible thing really happened, it looks like I have to take care of this kid myself.

I hold my flat stomach. My feelings became very sad.

"Are you really there? Are you here to accompany me? I was so confused by your presence. Should I be happy or sad?"

I speak to myself like a madman. My feelings are fragile again. Thinking if I really got pregnant and contemplating the fate of the child in the future.

***

Almost all night I didn't sleep just to wait for the morning to come. At dawn I went to the toilet and urinated for the first time that day.

I put my urine in a container. Then I dipped one by one from the testpack I bought.

My feelings are really fucked up. Seconds by seconds passed. Getting closer to the minute made my nervous feelings grow.

Five minutes passed. I didn't have the courage to look at my testpack. For almost ten minutes I stood in silence. My head is raging in confusion. Finally I ventured to peek and...

DEG

Results from six testpacks showed similar results. POSITIVE.

Suddenly my vision was a little blurred. My body's limp. My feet are boneless. I'm holding onto the wall. To stop myself from falling.

My hands were shaking holding onto the result. Disbelief haunts me. Previously I was just guessing, but it turns out that reality is in sight. I am really pregnant?!!!

I sat on the closet. I'm afraid if I stand up I'll fall. My body's limp all over. My mind was empty. I can't think anymore.

I don't know how long I've been sitting in the bathroom with an empty mind. Suddenly a thought landed on my brain.

"Testpack results are not necessarily accurate. I-I can't possibly get pregnant just in one go, right? This error must be on this test..."

I put that thought in my brain. Trying to make me feel okay.

Although limp, my body limped towards the bed. I sat down and started thinking.

I took my phone and searched for info from there. Only one of the most accurate things to know about pregnancy is to go to the gynecologist.

I'm back in a cold sweat. I want to run away from reality. But I can't. The result of the testpack makes my head go round and round. I need to know that certainty as soon as possible.

That morning I ventured to find an obstetrician who opened the practice. Through gugel, I found him. I searched the address closest to the rented house and headed there.

Along the way, a feeling of nervousness, confusion, vulnerability overpowered me. I kept on indoctrinating my mind that the error was on the testpack. I'm not pregnant. Point.

The time still shows at 07.12 WIB when I arrived at that place. Not too many people, so I don't have to queue for too long.

"Please register first, ma'am." The doctor's assistant's voice ripped my daydream. I approached and sat down on the chair located in front of him.

"Who's Mom?"

"Kh-khansa..."

"Full name Ma'am?"

"Khanza Aulia..."

"Husband's name?"

DEG

"Mother Khansa... Husband's name?"

"Ehhh... Ohhh... Yo-Yohan Al-alexander's..." Excuse me... Sorry Alex, I borrowed your name. Ii'm Sorry.

"Mother's Age? Husband's age?"

"I'm-I'm 27. In-he's 28."

"Destination check?"

"Who-you mean?"

"Mother's here to check the womb or join the pregnancy program?"

"Check-check..."

"Good Mom, wait a minute. We'll call you when the next patient is finished. Please sit down, ma'am."

I followed the assistant's orders. I sat down nervously. There were three couples who visited the practice. I'm the only one who doesn't have a partner. I lowered my face deeply.

"Mother Khansa Aulia, please." The voice of the assistant blew my mind. "This is the checkbook, ma'am. If you come again, please bring this book. Please come in, ma'am." The assistant handed me a pregnancy checkbook. I had my name and Alex there, along with a note of my purpose coming to that place.

I hesitantly entered the practice room. A middle-aged woman in a white suit smiled amiably at me.

"Who's Mom?"

"Khansa Aulia Doc..."

"Please sit. Can I see the book?" I handed the book. "Doing an examination... Alone, Mom?"

"Y-yeah..."

"His husband doesn't come?"

"Yes-yes Doc... In-he's work..."

"Oh, just deserve it. Any complaints, ma'am?"

"Sa-I haven't had a month of my period Doc... I've done a testpack, but I'm not sure about the results..."

"All right, Mrs Khansa... Please sleep in the patient's bed." The doctor named Nana pointed at the bed of the patient behind me. I hesitantly followed the doctor's orders.

Then Nana's doctor started to turn on the monitor. He put the gel on my stomach and started moving strange things on it.

"Have you been married a long time, Mom?"

"Eeehh??"

"Mother Khansa has been married to him for a long time?"

"Eeehhh yaa..."

"Is this your first pregnancy?"

"I mean Doc?"

"Khan's mother is pregnant. Her fetus. These eyelids, nose, hands and bone fragments have also begun to form. Want to hear your heartbeat, ma'am?" Doctor Nana pointed at the parts in question.

I really can't understand what Dr. Nana said. My eyes stared at the monitor without blinking.

"DIG!!DEG!!DEG!!DEG!!"

I was surprised to hear that voice. I looked at Doctor Nana to wonder.

"Oh, this is the sound of your baby's heartbeat. The sound of the beat is strong, right, ma'am? Which indicates that your baby is in good health only. Congratulations on the pregnancy of Khansa's mother. Your pregnancy is entering its 8th week. Congratulations on..." Doctor Nana grabbed my hand and shook it.

My body's limp. Without me noticing, tears were flowing in the corner of my eyes. My mind is completely dead-end.

***

Hellow-helooww readers zheyengkoohh 😆😁

I read the comments from the previous parties. Many are disappointed in the same attitude of Khansa and Alex yes 😁😂

Don't want to say a lot, just "benekmatiklah" this story.

NB: Many are complaining about the problem of 8 weeks pregnancy huh? 😅 Here's how I've never been pregnant and I don't know what pregnancy details are like. But I write it also read references and literacy. So no origin of nulis. Before comment on the problem "8 weeks of pregnancy but it has formed this-that," please open the reference. Google has also been explained a lot. If there is indeed my writing that is not appropriate, it means I took the wrong source of reference. Thus the explanation, So much & thank kaseeehh 😙😚

I give you a bonus photo Alex deh, let readers on segeeeerr and not baver sad2 again 🤗😚