HIJRAH LOVE
My Last Love

I heard faint sirens of ambulance cars and I heard Yulian's voice calling my name. But it was hard for me to open my eyes and see what was happening. I can only record sound through my ears. I couldn't control my body either, it felt so hard to just move my fingers. I don't know, what's going on right now? And I can do nothing but give everything to God, my Lord.

"Doctor, save my wife!"

Back I heard Yulian's voice asking the doctor in a trembling and worried tone. Not only Yulian's voice, one by one I heard faint voices from every member of my family. However, I still could not open these two eyes to just look at them. Absolutely dark_no light whatsoever is capable of illuminating in every darkness that surrounds me. Even after that, I could hear nothing more from all of their voices and the noise that was out of nowhere I was currently.

A few hours later...

After a long time both my eyes closed and lost consciousness, I was finally able to reopen these two eyes slowly. However, my view still looks blurry _not able to see clearly and my memory has not recovered perfectly. So I can't remember what really happened to me.

"Dad,"

A familiar voice I heard was calling my name. And simultaneously I was able to see every corner of the hospital ceiling very clearly. After that, I realized about my current existence. Where I lay weakly on the bed of a hospital banker. Somehow am I doing right now? Can I survive?

"Aisha, how are you feeling right now, dear? Why didn't you tell me you were sick?"

Yulian's voice sounded trembling_rattling, his pair of eyes also look cute and puffy. It was as if he was feeling a deep sadness, like losing half his body. Could it be that Yulian already knew about it? And I must be prepared to witness the thousands of sorrows that my loved ones experience when I see my deteriorating state.

"A-a-I'm b-good k-kok, Mas."

As if it was so hard for me to answer every single question from Yulian. Even I felt my lips were so stiff to move. And I also found it hard to talk when oxygen was stuck between my nose and my lips. Not only that, my hands felt heavy to move _just gently rubbing Yulian's face in front of me. So that I can only pull the two corners of my lips slowly to just give a smile to him.

"Sorry_excuse me, sir! Can Mr. Yulian come with me to the room for a moment?"

The doctor suddenly approached us and asked Yulian to come with him. I don't know, what are they going to talk about together? Is that about my soon life? And again I can only surrender to circumstances that I cannot afford to change.

Yulian also agreed to the doctor's invitation, but before leaving this room he kissed my forehead slowly while painting a smile_which to me was very sweet and perfect. In my little heart I said, "Oh my God, can I see her smile again?" My heart is so moaning in pain but, I must be sincere if the separation happens between me and Yulian later.

"Aisha, how are you?"

A mouthful of tears had drenched Arumi's veil the moment I saw her meet me in a quiet room, only the sound of medical devices could accompany me back then. And to answer Arumi_'s question I can only slowly fold my eyes while giving the smile I can. Arumi's sobs were getting more and more unstoppable as she looked at me who was lying weakly with some medical device attached to my body.

"I'm sorry, Aisyah. Hix, hyx, hyx."

I slowly moved my hand to hold Arumi's hand and calm her from the sadness that was in her nature. Then, I looked into her eyes as I slowly shook my head to ask her not to be sad. Likewise with Arumi, he immediately sank his tears behind the black veil that covered his face. And not long after that Yulian came back to see me with a still faithful smile on her lips.

"Yulian, how is Aisha? Do I need another treatment?"

As the question was thrown from Arumi's trembling lips, Yulian simply replied with a soft headband. And somehow I went back to thinking this was the last time I could see them, so I decided to make them happy anyway. However, I was wrong _because in reality the sadness was already lingering within them even though I had not really left this world.

"What do you mean, Yulian?"

"It's too late, Arumi. The doctor said that the cancer suffered by Aisyah had spread so quickly. So..."

"Never say there is no hope at all to save Aisha, Yulian. I'm sure Ayesha can be saved" said Arumi.

"No, Arumi. It's too late."

"M-m-mas,"

I mediated a small debate between Yulian and Arumi about my condition that could no longer be helped. And when I heard my voice, immediately Yulian approached me with tears still on his cheeks. Then, he looked at me fixedly and said, "What's up, Ayesha? Do you feel pain?" In a calm tone he asked me, though I knew his heart was trembling in fear of loss.

Instantly I removed the oxygen that was still stuck between my nose and lips to make it easier for me to answer Yulian's question. After that, I said to him, "I'm sorry I kept all this a secret to you, Mas. I just want you and everyone not to worry about my condition which will eventually be like this as well. And if I have been called to Allah, I beg you Mas_don't be sad and please let me go without tears. Just like Rosulullah did. Perhaps, the love that we strive to be a better human being is over here. And it's time I went to fulfill his call." Do I paint a smile for the last time or will there be another smile for her, my husband?

It seemed that Yulian was returning my smile, but there I also saw that he was enduring a deep sadness. And to confirm my request he just nodded slowly, then he said goodbye to come out for a while. As well as Arumi, he said goodbye and came out of the room filled with silence, there was only the sound of a medical machine that I could hear. A voice so frightening to me, if the line that was there turned straight.

"Finame," Arjuna

Arjuna came in and met me with a face that held sorrow. Both of his eyes were reddened and his cheeks looked wet, as tears that could not be held back by him had fallen down profusely. And to make Arjuna able to re-enforce himself, I said, "Arjuna, never weep for what has happened_as God's destiny given to Umi and all of us. You are Umi's eldest son, so Umi has your two younger siblings. Help Abi to take care of them, for you are brothers. And this is Umi's last message, so be precise!" I pulled both ends of my lips to give a faint smile to Arjuna. Likewise with Arjuna who nodded slowly_ agreed to my request while crying.

After finishing talking for a while with Arjuna, now one by one my family members come to meet me, namely, Papa Adhi, Cahaya and the last Ahtar. And I went back to my second son, "Ahtar, Umi love you. Thank you for making Umi proud before Umi actually left. Be a proud son to all of us! And Umi asks you one thing, take care of Hafizha! Love her like your real sister and find her real mother someday." I looked at Ahtar with a request, where I wanted Ahtar to do it. Closing with Ahtar, he nodded slowly assuring her.

"Ahtar promised, Ahtar will keep Ahtar's promise to Umi. Ahtar will find the woman." Ahtar's gaze was so sharp.

Ahtar was able to strengthen himself, not showing the pain that pierced his body. Although I knew, she was also so fragile and afraid of losing me in her life. Because everyone knows Ahtar always behaves spoiled towards me. Not long after that I asked Ahtar to call Yulian.

"What's up, Ayesha?"

Yulian looked at me inside while peeling at the back of my weak hand for no energy at all. And when Yulian did that to me, I smiled happily. Because until that second I was still given the chance to look him in the face, my first and last love in the world. Then, I expressed the contents of my heart that had been getting happiness while accompanying his life as ribs and wings to heaven together.

"Mas, thank you for choosing me to be your companion at the time and decided to emigrate with me. And I feel so happy to be an angel of your world, now I want to be an angel in your paradise later..."

"I want you to be my bidadar on earth and in heaven. Don't ever say things like you want to go away for good, Aisyah. Although the doctor said it was too late, but there is still a God who can change it. And I hope you stay with me until we age together."

"No, Mas. I feel tired of the pain I've been telling you all along. I just want to rest! And at this time I feel sleepy, but before I go to sleep _will Mas Yulian be my priest?"

"certain. Then, I'll get some water first!"

Yulian immediately sighed at her tears then, went to fetch some ablution water. As for me, I tried to stay as a substitute for ablution before I did pray isya' which I had not been able to do that night. And not long after Julian came in, and he spread out the prayer mat on the floor. After that, he did the iqomah to prepare to do worship with me. As well as me, I wear pure white and clean mukena. Then we also prayed together.

"Oh my God, my Lord. I am only Your servant that You created from the ground and You will take and return to the land. O God, so shall my worship in the world be the way to your heaven. And come to me as a light capable of being a light upon the way to Your heaven. L-laa i-laa-ha illallaah."

"Tuuuut."

Close was Aisyah's age that night. All the roaring cries, hysterics and sadness had enveloped all of them. However, the three men who loved Aisyah tried to do what she was asked to do before she died. Where there would be no teardrops coming out from the ends of their two eyes when Aisha's death had arrived. Refreshing is not easy for everyone who feels lost forever, but it is done with all their heart by Yulian, Arjuna and Ahtar.

EXPIRE.