
"I'm sorry, because Lala's late. Lala's.."
A young woman with a dazzlingly beautiful face was now sitting beside Nila on the sofa of the living room.
She is Kiyano's adopted daughter. Which also means his foster brother's children from the marriage relationship that was established between Kiyano and also Laila several years after my death.
To be honest, the first time I found out that Laila had remarried after my real body died, I felt a bit of heartache. My only consolation is that in marriage they have no biological children as a result of their second relationship.
This fact was discovered shortly before Laila was taken to the hospital. Or more precisely his was a few days before he died.
Lala was crying in silence. From her gait I can judge that this woman carries a much calmer and matured than Nila.
I saw then Mark who patted Lala's shoulder many times.
"It's okay, La. Mama must understand," comfort Mark with his barito voice that's being put down.
"But, Brother.. Lala was really sorry for not being able to meet Mama for the last time! In fact, last week Lala intended to play here. But because.." Lala paused her sentence.
I realized Lala was exchanging glances with Mark at a glance. And remember I was on Mark's confidante to Nila a few weeks ago.
About Lala who expressed her love to Mark. It was also about Mark rejecting Lala because the young man had no more feelings than an older brother to his younger brother.
Mark and Lala suddenly cut the eye bond between the two of them just like that. I faintly saw her second face blushing while staring in two different directions.
'Hmm. interesting. Like Mark is not only limited to considering Lala as his adopted sister.' my comments in my heart.
"..Because of one thing or another, so Lala didn't play last week. Now Lala is very sorry," confided Lala about her regret of not being able to find Laila.
"Ehem!"
I saw Mark trying to relieve his throat with a throb. Only then did Lala look back with a sympathetic look.
"Don't blame yourself too much, La. Importantly, Mama must now also be calm right in her new nature. My mother no longer felt sick. And of course now Mama is also happy because she can get together again with Papa Kiyano, right?" Mark said long times wide.
Nyepi..
My heart feels so pinched. The jealous roar came crashing back at my heart that was still feeling the loss of Laila.
'Is that so, Yang? You're happy to be reunited with Kiyano... And leave me in this world alone? If that's the case, you're so mean to me, La..!' I murmured bitterly in my heart.
Mark was like he was aware of the change in expression on my face. It dawned on him then that I would not have liked the conversation about Kiyano.
My son gave me an sorry look. While I ignored him.
Let me feel that this anger helped me heal the wound that was still gaping over Laila's departure. Even though I know for sure, if I can never be angry for a long time with my love.
Because my love for her is too great, so my forgiveness always precedes the anger and jealousy that I feel towards her relationship with Kiyano first.
Hh.. Lucky I didn't meet Kiyano. If my return is welcomed by having to see his annoying face, I must be going all out to beat him. Because she dared to steal my love when I wasn't with Laila.
Although. well, I also have to say thank you to Kiyano too. Because according to Mark's story, Kiyano saved my two children from kidnapping when both of them were young.
The abduction by Azki, my own best friend.
Azki! Good Lord! I don't know what possessed my best friend until he was determined to do that. But according to the story of Mark (Mark heard it from the story of Oma Mutia), Azki actually has psychiatric problems. And he turned out to have been obsessed about me for a long time.
I really didn't realize this. Because of that, my frustration with Kiyano immediately reduced a lot when I knew his struggle in saving my two children, first.
Even so, still. As much as possible I always avoid the topic of Kiyano. Because I couldn't help but feel that jealousy burning my chest.
"Yes.. Brother's right. Mama must be happy now because she can get together again with Papa.." said Lala while contemplating.
Enough is! My heart began to heat up again, with Mark and Lala's statement just a moment ago.
I suddenly stood up and tried to calm myself down on the porch.
Without words, I went into seclusion to the porch.
I looked at the passing vehicle that could be seen from the terrace of this house. And my memory goes back to imagining a face I've missed so much. Even though our breakup hasn't even been all day.
"Lena.."
I was shocked from my brief daydream, when I heard a subtle voice calling my name from behind.
For a moment, I had guessed that the one who called me just now was Laila. Because it was exactly like that Laila's tone of voice when calling me.
So rhyming. So pitched. And. so full of love.
I turned around and faced Nila. I just glanced at him. Before the end, my gaze returned to the streets in the distance.
Moments later, I heard Nila speak again.
"After this, what will you do? I mean, if you want, you can still stay next to this house, Lan. Mama also will not like if you leave here," said Nila stammered.
I realized the other intent behind every statement that came out of Nila's mouth.
My daughter wanted to keep me in this house.
I didn't look towards Nila when I gave my answer later.
"I'll get out of this house, Nile. I'm going to work in one of Mark's branches" I replied, laying out a plan.
Yep. This conversation about going to work I actually talked to Mark when we were in the hospital. Shortly after the hospital prepared Laila's body for burial.
Mark's offer I hadn't been able to answer at the time. Because I am still shrouded by a fog of sadness that is so dense after losing my love.
But now, as my gaze drifted into the vehicle traffic in the distance, an answer just popped out of my mouth. Although it was not Mark who heard my decision for the first time. Rather, Nila was now sitting beside me.
"Pe..go?" Tanya Nila repeated.
I caught her tone of voice that was slightly vibrating. Know me that Nila like her doesn't like my decision.
My mind was instantly struggling. I wanted to hug Nila and tell her that I would never ignore her. But I know, that attitude will only make Nila's feelings towards me grow bigger.
I realized that my departure was solely done to reduce the feelings of love that should not be addressed by Nila to me.
The love that Nila has right now towards me is not the kind of love that I expected to have in her heart.
I don't want Nila to love me as much as a woman does to her lover.
I want Nila to love me like a child to her Papa. Because that's my real relationship with Nila.
I was his Papa in my old life.
***