Heartbreakers
04. My wish

After the twilight incident in Gombel yesterday, Keenan drove me to the Princess's index near the campus. Princess is one of the SLSY members who is quite close to me. That's one of the reasons I chose him. The motorcycle thing I left in front of Keenan's secretariat promised to take care of it. I thank him once again.

Two days I stayed at the Princess's place while keeping Mom informed. Mom said, Dad is calmer. After I left yesterday, Dad didn't bring me up at all or talk much to Mom. I concluded that maybe the cause of Father and Mother's quarrel was me. When I get home, I'll try to apologize to both of them. I admit that I don't care about those who started a fight over Dad's affair five years ago. Maybe that's where my mistake lies.

Let it. I'll take care of family business by the end of college.

Another case with my family's relationship is increasingly tenuous, my friendship with Keenan is progressing rapidly. If I could only drink mango juice with him at the secretariat, I could now eat ice cream with him at the minimarket near the campus. The more days there are the more things I tell her. I even talked about the development of relationships in my family. Until these two days, he still always heard and responded to me well. Keenan is a real friend I can trust.

In addition, Keenan was also the one who urged me to go home soon to meet Father and Mother. He said that hostility until more than three days of silence is not allowed in religion. He said again, it is more noble for a man to admit his mistakes and forgive the mistakes of others first. Whatever the outcome, he was ready to accompany me to tears or laugh.

Keenan like this reminds me of Jessie and Keana. My two best friends are somehow. Unlike High School days, they are much harder to contact. Even the online chat groups we created were quiet like graves. I doubt they still consider me part of that friendship.

My head shook. My mind's been fucked up everywhere. About how I have to apologize, it makes me think so much.

After class, I parted ways with the Princess while thanking her. The princess is the second person to know about my weird problems. Obviously, he gave me a ride, so I couldn't give him a reason to lie. In addition, I promised to open myself up to others. I'm gonna be myself, not pretend everything's good. This change will start with those closest to me.

Arriving at home, the silence hangs. I slowly opened the front door and walked in. Once I say a greeting that is not too loud. The atmosphere of a quiet house is not so familiar in my mind. In the past, this kind of thing was only two reasons: Dad was away or sleeping. But now it is afternoon. I know for a fact that Dad's not the type to sleep in the afternoon. When I was in Elementary School, Dad would have woken me up who was still asleep at half-four in the afternoon. In the past, he loved to take me cycling around the complex. To the extent that I once accidentally took a nap under the bed so Dad wouldn't know I was still asleep.

My steps stopped at the dining room door. Mom and Dad sat there quietly, waiting for me. I unconsciously swallowed my own saliva. It feels like my heart is pounding. As if I had a sign that something bad was going to happen soon.

“Sit here, Son,” greet Mother gently as her eyes meet mine.

I have no reason to refuse it. Be my feet step onto the dining table in the middle of the room and take the place facing them.

“My mother and I have decided to divorce,” said Dad started an explanation. I gasped, knowing this would happen sooner or later. My ears are still seriously listening to the continuation of Dad's sentence, “five this year really feels heavy for us, especially myself. I no longer have a love for you. So I could easily hurt you guys and even now leave you guys.”

Mother Kulirik. His eyes began to glaze over. Up here I misunderstood Mom. He still loves Dad as much as I expected Dad back in time.

“I know this sounds absurd to you guys. I also know I'm selfish, but I love other people now. I have a small family with him. I was already a father in that family. The boy is two years old. She's a cute little girl, just like you used to be, Ra. But now, I feel ... with you guys is really very burdensome to me.”

Apparently this was a quarrel five years ago. I was surprised that Dad was so serious about his affair that he compared me to his other children. Curious to tease me, my lips opened without asking.

“What less than Mom and I five years ago?” I stopped the monologue.

“Nothing,” the answer is finally, “you family are perfect for me first. But I still feel less noticed. I feel like I need more attention. So, I'm looking for someone else who can love me like you. Until I—”

“When is your trial?” cut me quick. Want to be told as well as anything, the answer still does not make sense. Supposedly, if we were perfect, he felt so too. Instead of looking for another affection that no one can justify, except himself.

“Late month later.” Now Mother's voice is telling. After a long silence and tear, he decided to get involved, “we think we should still ask you about your custody.”

I let out a breath. “My friends have incriminated him, why should I want to torture him? I'll go with you, Mom. This should not need to be asked again.”

“After this I will not stay here anymore. I'm leaving this house for you. I spent two days in this house waiting for you to come home and apologize for my slap yesterday. I'll give you more compensation for what I did yesterday,” said Dad told me.

‘Competence?’ my lips. In my heart I laughed. I've really become a stranger to Dad. There's nothing else I can do but agree on all of this.

“I also apologize for being your burden. I hope your other family is not as perfect as me and Mom until you have to find another affection,” I reply try to calm down, “if one day you have guilt for us, you have guilt for us, maybe at that time I can call you ‘Ayah’ again even though the door of this house is closed and not yours anymore.”

Dad's cleared his throat. The man was ready to leave the house. I could see two large suitcases standing by his feet.

“Good. Looks like you already understand enough,” said Father slowly. He looked at his smartphone, checked something and smiled. “Sinta is almost there. I'll go right away as soon as he gets there. Hope you guys are okay.”

There hasn't been a minute since Dad finished saying that, the sound of the car stopping was heard from outside. Dad's face turned brighter. He cleared his throat again and then left. My mother and I were unmoved, completely unable to get her out. We were just lyrically interlocking when Dad started to step outside while dragging his two suitcases.

Two minutes later, the car outside roared away and disappeared completely. Mom and I were still quiet with each other. Then the silence broke with the sobs of Mother's cries that were getting louder and firmer. From her cries I knew one thing: Mom still loves Dad very much.

My calm is also shaky. Mother's cry sounded so heartbreaking. I moved, immediately hugging Mom who was about to fall to the floor. We both cried together. I cried for Mom and Mom cried for Dad. Mom would sometimes say Dad's name, saying that she still loved him somehow no matter their circumstances. So it went on until our eyes were tired of crying.

That night, I told her everything. How he first met Dad, his love story, joyful wedding day, and their struggle until I was there. Mom was very happy because God gave her a happy life story at that time. Until Dad is mutated to a new work unit, where all this grief begins. Everything was. My mother told me to get tired, until we went to sleep. Even that night, we decided to sleep together in his room. Until his eyes closed due to drowsiness, then the story of Mother ended.

***