Beans Forgot the Skin
Chapter 2 Fear

POV Rudy

My tears had already flowed, unable to believe the normally strong woman currently fainted helplessly. I looked at the face of the woman who had been accompanying me in joy and sorrow.

"Sorry Ara, I'm a loser. Not a good husband." I buried my face in my wife's Tiara's arm.

Arriving at Mother Light Hospital I was faced with a difficult choice.

"Save his son or his mother sir." Ask the Doctor who handled Tiara, as soon as my chest tightened, it was really a difficult choice. Forgive Papa Nak.

"Dok's mother, you can't be saved both Doc," I said.

"Sorry sir, this is a difficult choice sir, pray yes sir, hopefully both can be helped," he said.

My mother-in-law with the entourage looked at me cynically, I knew my wife's family did not like me from the beginning of marriage.

"Why can this be, surely you quarrel with Tiarakan," said Mama Ketus.

"I'm sorry Ma, Pa," I said softly.

"If anything happens to my daughter you will know the consequences" my father-in-law said. His eyes are full of anger.

My heart and soul were floating, three hours Tiara was in the Operating Room and finally my daughter, who was a woman, had to leave forever. All eyes looked at me hatefully, Tiara was still in a coma. I went home to do my daughter's funeral. Tiara was unconscious.

"Ma, take Tiara and Ma." My eyes warmed when I saw that face so calm.

Mama just dehemed. Like a stranger I was in their midst. Only Namira Tiara's youngest sister is still friendly with me.

After the funeral I sat down in the recliner in my room. Kulirik has a brown diary. I opened sheet by sheet Tiara's heart.

Tgl March 20, 2015

Diary, today I'm very sad, tomorrow is my husband's graduation, something that I and he have been waiting for, but it's all so unpleasant when some of my colleagues come home to collect my debt, the debt was to pay for all the needs of Mas Rudi without his knowledge, but what I got was that sharp gaze, anger and swearing, accusing me of cheating money, and, even though for my sake I postpone all for the sake of Mas Rudi but what I got. I'm a pretentious wonder woman, a hero of misfortune, Rabb why it feels so sick. He thought that the salary of 2 million was enough to finance my needs and college if not me who slammed the bones. But let me swallow all this myself because tomorrow is a special day for him I don't want to ruin his mood.

My heart languished reading the strung script into heart-wrenching diction and as a slap for me. I opened the next sheet again, I wiped the tears that slid free from my eyelids.

Tgl March 21, 2015

Diaries.....

Today was a very painful moment in my life, the happiest moment of his life was the most painful moment of my life. I cried when she didn't hold me, she thought of me as a stranger who ruined her happiness, she hugged all her family members whereas to me she just stared cynically and looked at me like a germ that was interfering with her happiness, my heart aches Rabb, but I fought desperately for his career and education but what I got was an insult for the sake of humiliation. She didn't thank me for anything, let alone hug me even if she refused. She spends time with her family and friends while me and her son are neglected. Lord, why does it feel so painful, does loving your being have to be this painful, Lord. It turns out that only loving You never gives pain, only when You give up my love, my life and death. Love for man has its limits. It's the most painful taste in my life milk is reciprocated with tubal water.

I could not bear the tears that flowed down my two sunken cheeks, Rabb, so many sins have been inflicted on my Tiaraku. That memory of graduation was re-recorded in my brain memory. He tried to laugh and enjoy my happiness when his heart cried getting my treatment that was unfair to him, what kind of husband am I, Rabb.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Tears were running out when I read again the words written neatly in Tiara's diary, all this time Tiaraku was sick, he hid his wounds from me, from his family from the world. He didn't dare share his story with me but I misunderstood everything, he was my hero.

Tgl May 12, 2015

Tgl March 20, 2016

Hi my dear Diary, today I want to vent again, I can't stop thinking with all this, it feels like my tears have run out, he's good now his work, his salary is already 10 million a month, she doesn't appreciate me anymore, snapping at will, but I'm pregnant with her second child, I'm stressed with all her attitude, I see she's intense with her hape, whether he plays with his widow's boss, I must pay attention to all his movements, if that happens I choose to go for ever from his life, he said, let me fix the strata of his life but he dumped me while he was at the peak of his career.

Tgl March 21, 2016

Diary dear my heart is so broken many friendly chatan from someone on behalf of Kalina, I know that the name of the woman who became her superior, whether their relationship has gone too far, Kalina said, yes Rabb seems like the earth has stopped turning, why does it feel like this sick, Rabb, if I can choose I want to return him like before, my pelvic workers, if I want to return him, innocent men of Junior High if it feels like this pain, Rabb my heart is bleeding. What is my fault Rabb to the trials for the trials I have to gulp, I lost a husband who loves me so much even though he is still alive in this world,

Something that hurts when I have to smile is actually my heart is crying. I wanted to get angry and scold her but what was the power of my love so great for her.

Tgl March 22, 2016

Diary I really want to end all this, I will let go of everything, right now I feel like I miss the moon, when I need affection while I'm pregnant with the fruit of his love he's fond of making out with his woman, it's gone my race, I'll be gone for ever from his life, he said, maybe all this time I was too independent so he didn't know how hard I was fighting for him, when he was at his peak he dumped me like shit. Mas Rudi I hope you are happy always without me being by your side. Go with your new love, I'm willing to let you go, maybe you're unhappy with me. I'm sorry I can't keep our love, not that I don't want to survive you don't want me to survive. It hurts when you clap one hand. It hurts I hope you don't feel what I feel. Loving something that is hard to reach.

I gasped at reading the last verse, as if she was indeed intent on parting with me. I read the last part.

My diary

He has dared to play hands with me, but since I was a child I was never bullied by my parents, I will go back to my parents, I can't stand a husband who doesn't want me anymore. This may be the last time I write here. I'll go as far as I can until he can't find me anymore.

Tiara Anastasya By

I hugged my wife's diary, cried over it all, I threw away the diamond for a stone a time, for pride I had to lose it for all eternity, whether I could live without you, what a foolish man.

"Tiara, I'm sorry, is there still time for me to come back, baby" I said as if half my breath was gone.

It was then that all the shadows of Tiara were dancing in my eyes, her sweet smile, all about her like a last memory. All this time I wasted it, I never remember when she drank her pregnant milk, what she ate, if she was okay, what her favorite food was, what color was her favorite, I was too busy with my own world that I forgot the woman who was so stoic and patiently raising my name. But what is the reward of his patience, betrayal.

Suddenly a chat came in.

[Mas, I miss, we can meet] it turns out from Kalina.

[Sorry, we better end this, I don't want to bathe in sin anymore, forget me]

I sent my last message while I sleep for myself.

I got up and took the ablution water that I had left behind for a long time, though Tiara always reminded me.

"Mas, pray, what is the use of living in this world if you do not pray, what is your recognition as a servant if you do not worship the creator, really arrogant man, what is, look at the universe all prostrating to its Lord, though we do not know how they worship." The advice was always but I still ignored it.

This time I longed to bow before the Almighty to condemn all my iniquities, I truly repented, Lord.

My body trembled as I uttered the word of Allahu Akbar, there was fear and shame to my Lord all this time I went, I was too busy chasing the world until I forgot the Great One. I wept in my prayers, begging Him for forgiveness, may he forgive me this sinful man. Forgive me, Lord.

Do I deserve Tiara's love back, Rabb, is it still worth it to be with that heavenly angel. Tears still flowed down my cheeks. After the completion of the magrib prayer, I rushed to see my woman, I will struggle to get her heart broken, whether her parents give up her son for me again after what I have done to Tiara. My heart rumbles and is afraid, it will all be over.

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