Always Gonna Be You
31. Tears In Heaven's

Rakai

Sunday, 20:25

As soon as he got out of the elevator he immediately found the Anggi family sitting gathered in the waiting room on the third floor. There is Mama and Adit. He also approached directly.

"Tante," he said as he reached out to greet Rendra's in-laws.

"Oh, son Rakai, when is it coming?" Mom patted her shoulder slowly.

"New Tan," he switched to greeting Adit. "Still on holiday?"

"Still, Bang."

"Om where?"

"It is from Friday that there is an official trip to Morowali until next week" Mamah replied. "It's a good thing Adit's still at home, so he can send. If not the latest tomorrow morning."

He nodded and turned to Adit, "Bring yourself Dit? Smooth on the road?"

"Yes. Thank you very much Bang.".

"Rendra's not out yet?" ask again.

"Yet. Still in the operating room," Mamah replied with a sigh. "Usually an average of an hour has come out, this is up to three hours there is no sign."

Seen Adit immediately embrace Mamah while trying to calm down, "Then again."

Adit's sentence became a reality when shortly afterwards two operating room doors made of ice glass opened followed by the appearance of Rendra who stepped out.

"Where?" Mom asked expectantly.

"Alhamdulillah was born Mah."

"Alhamdulillah," Mamah spontaneously embraced Rendra. "Congratulations Ren..congratulations..," followed by Adit who patted Rendra's back.

"Where now? Can't get out yet?" Mom asked again with great joy.

"The numbers are still postoperative observation in the recovery room" Rendra looked at the clock on his right wrist. "If the doctor says it's about thirty minutes away, you can move to the treatment room."

"Alhamdulillah," Mamah gave thanks again. "His baby?"

"Both are men" replied Rendra with a smile. "But still in the resuscitation room because one detected a weak heartbeat," then swallowed his saliva. "Because it was wrapped around the umbilical cord up to three turns."

"Importantly all are healthy, mother is the same baby," Mamah patted Rendra's arm. "Now we remain strong-willed in prayer."

Rendra nodded, then sat himself in one of the chairs. Make him come straight over and pat him on the back hard, "So father is also you!"

Rendra just chuckled softly.

Shortly after, a green-clothed officer walked out of the operating room door to say, "Mr Darmastawa, his wife can already move into the treatment room."

***

Orchids

Hour 21.05

At a glance from the corner of the eye he caught a shadow on the watch Rendra who is now squeezing his right hand, 21.05.

Suddenly his memory floated at the same time almost 24 hours ago, when he and Mba Suko were watching a television broadcast in the living room waiting for Rendra's return. At that moment he watched as he stroked his large stomach. But this time - his hand while holding his belly - was no longer large, had deflated. No more heavy weights and small kicks that make his stomach move on its own. Leaving an empty space in the corner of his heart.

"Well, why haven't our babies been delivered?" he also suddenly felt very homesick with two tiny red-skinned babies with a thick white layer that had been placed on both cheeks shortly after giving birth. Unknowingly his eyes began to heat up.

"In a moment," Mamah who was standing on the other side of the bed smiled soothingly.

"Yes, wait a minute, later also delivered," Rendra guaranteed Mamah's sentence while rubbing her hair slowly.

"Abang is not wrong take facilities, right? I asked for a room in let the babies sleep here with us," in advance he had told Rendra about the room in facility he wanted during childbirth.

"Yes, this is the room in here," Rendra smiled as she looked at him gently. "Mami Arung and the beautiful Jungle," then unhesitatingly kissed her in front of Mamah.

"Groong? The jungle?" he frowned in wonder because since the beginning of pregnancy they both never wanted to know the sex of the twins, as well as have not prepared the name. The plan they will just choose the names mean beautiful after the 7 monthly event, but the hunt Rendra busy out of town and he even gave birth early.

"You like it?" Rendra summarized her right cheek using a wide, warm palm, then rubbed gently through the tip of the thumb. "The names of our heroes."

He smiled nodding.

Then Rendra said, "Ocean Arung."

"Kelana Rimba," continued Rendra again. "The names of our two sons."

***

Rakai

Hours 21.30

He was sitting alone with Adit on the couch, trying to get through the night playing on his phone. While Mamah had fallen asleep in the waiting bed, and Rendra was hugging Anggi who was lying on the bed shivering with coldness until the sound of clapping his teeth rang out to the sofa where they were sitting. Well, the nurse said the effects of the drugs were starting to disappear.

He was still staring at the screen when a nurse entered the room and called Rendra's name, "Mr Darmastawa, please come with me for a moment."

Half an hour later Rendra came back with a gloomy face.

"Why?" tanyanya wants to know.

"Busan was told to the NICU, sign medical action because the newborn APGAR Rimba is only four, and there has been no increase until now....."

He did not understand what APGAR was, but the glint of dark clouds that enveloped Rendra's face, making his heart choked. The facial expression he had only seen once in a lifetime, that was when Auntie Pingkan died.

"I think tonight the cave needs to...."

He hastily interrupted Rendra's sentence, "I'm here." While patting Adit on the shoulder who was sitting not far from him, "Yes not Dit? There's both of us."

Adit nodded, "Yes Bang. Do not doubt if there is a need. I'm here to be told to, "always Adit is obviously trying to unravel the tension in Rendra's face.

But Rendra did not laugh, only nodded slowly while patting Adit on the shoulder, "As long as I go back and forth, Anggi Dit pointed. Please take care."

And Rendra's stressed sentence became the starting point of a very long night. Because almost half an hour once Rendra had to go back and forth from the sixth floor where Anggi was treated to the third floor where the NICU room is located.

As he begins to sleep on the couch, while Adit falls asleep next to Anggi, a nurse wakes him up, "Pak Rakai?"

Makes him flinch while rubbing his eyes.

"Pak Rakai is in good health?" ask the nurse quickly. "Not the flu or the cough?"

He nodded with sleepy eyes, "Healthy Sus. Why?"

"Okay, I'll check the temperature first. Excuse me," then the nurse pointed a digital thermometer at her forehead.

"36 degrees. Now please come with me."

With heavy steps and felt floating because he was still sleepy, he followed the nurse to the third floor. Then enter a thick glass door that says NICU room.

"Please remove the footwear and wash your hands first" said the nurse, pointing to special white sandals with a logo stamp and the name of the hospital, as well as the place where the sink is located, complete with a dryer.

"It is also possible to use an antiseptic liquid" while pointing at a large transparent bottle containing a clear liquid attached to one side of the wall near the entrance.

He chose to wash his hands in the sink, all washing his face to get rid of drowsiness. After completion, the nurse pulled out the plastic containing green clothes exactly like the ones commonly worn by surgeons in the operating room.

"Please wear it, complete with a mask and a head covering."

He according. He quickly put on those clothes.

"Come," the nurse walked ahead of him.

They passed through a large open room. Then through the hallway to the left of the glass walled, where in it there is a row of transparent glass tubes containing cute babies bare-chested, only wearing diapers, only wearing diapers, equipped with special glasses that cover both eyes of the baby, is being illuminated by a bluish-colored light.

The scene that had made his steps stopped only to notice a row of mon-tok babies who looked as if they were sunbathing on the beach, complete with sunglasses.

"The babies why Sus?" he asked curiously with curiosity.

The nurse paused her steps for a moment to see what her hand was pointing at. To then say, "Oh, that's in phototherapy sir, the irradiation process to lower the bilirubin levels in the baby's body."

He just oh long while continuing to pay attention to the babies. A moment later, the nurse entered one of the glass doors in the middle position.

"Please, Mr. Rendra over there," the nurse pointed to a man sitting in one corner of the room, turning his back to the entrance.

Confused by trying to guess what was going on, he stepped in. And his arrival was immediately greeted by the sound of machines and medical equipment that rang regularly. The atmosphere is typical of intensive care space that can always make the fur of the nape bristles.

He stood in a daze behind Rendra, who was sitting facing a transparent box, with a doctor seen having just finished his examination, at the same time two nurses who began to move released one by one hose, cables, scanners, and equipment attached to the tiny baby's body.

"More?" he nodded still not understanding. But the reddened face of Rendra full of tears has explained everything.

Innalilahi wa inna ilaihi raji.

Today, Monday, at exactly 02:20, 8 hours after being born, Rendra's first son, Kelana Rimba, has preceded them all to face the creator. Because of infection and RDS (respiratory distress syndrome) or acute respiratory syndrome because the lungs have not fully developed as a result of premature birth.

Rendra was still sitting with blank eyes when the doctor patted her on the shoulder, while the nurses moved deftly tidying up the wires, hoses, and equipment, then lifting the tiny baby's body to be moved. When suddenly Rendra said in a weak voice almost inaudible, "Let me carry for a while Sus."

The nurse nodded in understanding and handed the tiny baby that had been blindfolded to Rendra's arm.

And the next scene he could not see much longer. Because now his eyes began to heat up filled with glass. Enough was his hand that patted Rendra's shoulder felt a sad vibration full of emotional a new father who had to lose one of his babies.

"Have no idea" bellowed Rendra with reddened eyes from constant crying. When he asked the question of the chairman of RW why not buried a little while waiting for other family members.

"Gua doesn't know how to tell this to Anggi."

"He hasn't even gotten around to the jungle yet."

He also has no idea, can only pat Rendra's shoulder trying to give strength. Finally, just by being witnessed by neighbors around the house, including the local RT RW and Adit, Rendra buried his own beloved Ananda Kelana Rimba body with the help of Ustadz Dwijayanto.

"O Allah, make him a hastened reward and an eternal mistress, and a source of reward for his parents" (HR. Bukhari in 1690), the prayer offered by Ustadz Dwijayanto after the funeral.

And when all the mourners had gone home, including Adit who had quickly returned to the hospital, he still saw Rendra's back sitting on the wet burial ground. The same sight he had seen decades ago when Auntie Pingkan died and the latest almost two months ago when Papa died. The loss of loved ones always leaves a deep sorrow.

Without intending to forcibly break the emotional sense of suffocating loss, he was forced to approach Rendra and pat her on the back slowly, "We have to go to the hospital again Ren. Anggi same Arung still waiting for you."

And sure enough, once they get to the room, it looks Mamah and Adit are trying to calm Anggi who seems to have a strong feeling about something that has happened.

"Why hasn't Rimba been delivered here?!"

"They should drink breast milk."

"They're not IMD either."

"Which gate?!"

"It's been over a day, why haven't I seen them yet?!"

"Later Ndo, the same sister will be escorted here," Mamah replied with teary eyes. Even Adit who chose to throw his face, could not see the scenery is quite stifling.

With long strides Rendra approached Anggi's bed, then hugged her tightly, hiding her face deeply into Anggi's neck. Making it and Adit back should throw a look in the other direction. Unable to see Rendra and Anggi who tried to strengthen each other while holding tears.

'Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way through night and day

'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven'

(Eric Clapton, Tears in Heaven)

The loss of a beloved is always chest tight.

***

Orchids

Wednesday, 08:00

Today is the most awaited day.

After the catheter was removed on Monday afternoon, he was able to tilt and get out of bed, then walk himself to the bathroom to urinate, and the most important thing is he has managed to fart. So today will certainly be the first day he can meet Arung in the NICU room.

Rendra has even been preparing since dawn, "Today we will meet the most handsome fighter ever," said Rendra trying to smile.

"Come, before meeting our baby milk first yes," said a nurse who entered the room.

Since Monday, every two hours he flushed ASI to be sent to the NICU room. Although the production of ASI has not been too smooth, even a little, but he is not discouraged.

"Mba Anggi relax yes, do not stress, so that the ASI can come out a lot," so said the nurse often when he complained about the production of breast milk a little.

"Where not stress Sus, since the birth until now have not met my son," he lamented nanar.

"Yes, we'll see the dedenya soon. Later if already in the same nen directly on the baby, usually stimulate the production of breast milk so much more."

"Later on Sus," his grunts impatiently, envied by the row of babies with round cheeks like bakpaos he saw often ushered in and out into the rooms next door, when Rendra pushed his wheelchair to take a walk in search of fresh air.

"Yes patient Mba, this is for the good of the baby as well. Be stronger and healthier."

Finally, after having to go through a miserable waiting period, today for the first time he was able to meet Arung.

With Rendra tightly clasping his hand, he entered the cold NICU room. And without even being told his eyes were immediately fixed on the incubator located at the very end. Where a tiny body that is still reddish in color is asleep. With the writing on the white board that reads,

Ocean Flow

Baby Mr/Ny Darmastawa

1,995 grams/33 cm

"Well, dear great Mami, you can know where you are," continued Rendra with a choked tone of voice.

"Assalamualaikum Arung, this is Papi come bring Mami," continued Rendra again. "Arung already misses the sight of Mami? This.....Beautiful Mami Arung is here now. Get up dear," Rendra spoke while clutching her shoulders gently.

But he was sobbing in front of the incubator with trembling hands holding one side of the glass. Making Rendra more deeply embrace his body while kissing the top of his head with trembling lips.

I love you, Arung. Love you too Rimba's. I love you two so much. I love you. I love you.

Almost five minutes he sobbed and could only stare sadly at the tiny baby whose entire body was filled with wires of medical equipment. There was a feeling of guilt that gradually controlled her heart for having given birth long before the due date.

"Arung..wake up dear..say hi to Mami..," Rendra again whispered. "Hello Mami.This third day I'm stronger. Udah can breathe alone even though it still has to use an oxygen hose," whispered Rendra again that makes him have to bite his lips hard so that the sobs are not too loud to sound.

"First and second day I still have to breathe using a tube that is directly connected to the lungs......"

"Because I knew Mami would look, this morning the tube to the lungs has been removed. Replaced by ordinary oxygen. I'm cool, right?"

He turned to look at Rendra who was bowing his body while talking to Arung.

"When I first saw Arung Sama Rimba in this room, I was not strong," Rendra smiled at him. "There are so many wires, tools, and hoses stuck in their bodies."

"If you may ask.let the children's position be replaced with mine."

"But..today.maybe because Arung knows you want to come....Look, he's breathing out, right? That's my boy!"

Rendra's words made her sob even more. At first glance his eyes caught, in addition to the oxygen hose and ASI hose connected to the nose, there are three wires attached to the chest of Arung, which is connected to a monitor.

"The cable that sticks to the chest to monitor the vital signs of Arung, such as breathing rate, heart rate, temperature, and blood pressure," Rendra explained as if understanding the contents of his head.

His eyes then turned to the tiny feet of Arung which was also connected by a cable to another monitor.

"The one strapped to the leg was hooked up to an oxygen saturation monitor, to monitor blood oxygen levels."

Making her turn back to Rendra who was still half-bending, "Did you always know everything I wanted to know?" he said while sobbing.

Rendra smiled then kissed her forehead at a glance, "Harus dong. I'm five times a day nengokin Arung. Must know what actions are taken to make our heroes strong and healthy."

He turned his eyes back to the incubator, the tiny but clear direction of the aura and facial lines of the real legacy of Rendra, who is still asleep with eyelids half open with only the white part. Like father like son's.

"If the Jungle. "What does Arung look like? I haven't even had a chance to yell and hug....."

Rendra stroked his head slowly, "The jungle weighs five ounces more than Arung."

"Well, more chubby dong" he said enthusiastically with a quivering voice. Imagine what the jungle looks like.

"But it's just as handsome as his Papi," Rendra was obviously trying to joke, but this time he couldn't help but sneer. Can only stare nanar towards Arung who is still asleep.

"When can I carry my baby Sus?" ask her to the nurse in the NICU.

"Later told by doctor Barata that the baby can be carried. Because if the dry carrying will actually trigger stress on premature babies."

"But if you want to be elated. I'll open the incubator."

And today he must be content with just stroking the bushy-haired head and the tiny cheeks of Arung which are still reddish in color. Also the hands and feet are overgrown with fine fur.

"Let's Arung, drink a lot of milk yes," said Rendra this time with a voice full of enthusiasm. "Liar fast strong can be carried with Mami Papi. Later Papi invite Arung to play to a fun and cool place. Where are you going? Papi jabanin's."

***

Information (from various scientific sources that can be accounted for) :

Resuscitation room.: the space used to place the newborn through caesarean section, to perform resuscitation actions on the baby.

APGAR.: Activity (muscle activity), Pulse (heart rate), Grimace (baby response and reflex), Appearance (baby body color), Respiration (breathing). Is an examination conducted on newborns to ensure the condition of the baby is healthy and fit to be able to live outside the mother's womb

IMD. : initiation of early breastfeeding