PERIPLES
6. The Great Mother

I'm trying t'rus to survive

About the love I think

I love, you don't love

I can't keep holding on

Realize I have no right to keep forcing you

Forcing you to love me wholeheartedly

I'm trying to forget you

But accept my last request

Take my hand, baby

Close to me, hug me

Stand straight in front of me

Kiss my forehead for the last one

I'll disappear away from you

Not even a single hair was visible

But where will you get hurt

Find me, I'm there for you

The last message song sung by Lyodra accompanied me who was sitting alone at the study table by the window, looking at the rain that should not have fallen this month.

I'm a little tired of what happened. Actually, none of this is sudden. The Lord has shown me from the past days.

The answer from Luke made me think more and more about staying or letting go.

"Instead of holding on, mending you use your time to find another one, Vel. It's a pity if it's in vain gini." Rena's advice after hearing what Luke said.

Coupled with David's words, "Don't last because of how long you've been dating Vel. He is only two percent of your life. You want the other ninety-eight percent to fall apart because of him?"

Whose fault is it? Am I being too excessive or is he being too displeased?

Many of my messages from yesterday have not been answered, not even opened. But self-forces are waiting for news of someone who may now be busy with another woman.

Criet

My bedroom door is open. Showing the mother, a pink-patterned flower that stands in the doorway. He approached me, and sat on the edge of the bed.

The beautiful woman smiled, her eyes glaring.

"Vella, here sit next to the mother," Ask the mother by patting the mattress beside her.

I'm approaching the mother. Mother looked at me with her sad eyes. The beautiful eyes that usually calmed me down now turned restless, and began to tear up.

"Mother? What's up?"

Without answering, my mother hugged me. His body trembled, crying with a stifled voice. I'm not asking anymore. I rubbed my mother's back and I let her lean on me.

After feeling enough, mother let go of her hug. Looking at this fragile mother, my world seemed to spin so fast. Too dizzy to feel.

He held out his phone without a sound. I took the flaming phone, and I saw what it was. It's hard to digest. The world I thought was spinning too fast, stopped without warning. Stuffy. It hurts to breathe free air.

My view is blurry. The phone I picked up started getting wet. I can't hold it anymore. My defense is completely collapsing.

Since when did you play with other women? Where is the father who always reminds me to take responsibility for what I do? Where's the dad who always let me take his rations as a kid? Where's the dad who always carries me and runs around with me?

Can I still say "I want to have a husband like a father" after seeing you cry?

Mother hugged me tightly back. His cries began to sound. And my chest is getting tighter. I cried harder than Mom. I miss my dad who always took the time to just tell stories together. I miss the father who asked me to make coffee for him and for you.

It feels like a dream. I don't know what I did when I met Dad after this.

No word came out of me or from my mother. We are both silent. Then lie down on the same bed.

It's painful to accept the fact that you're sleeping with me. I'm more willing to sleep alone, and mommy sleeps with dad.

A few minutes later, my mother fell asleep. The woman I thought was so patient all this time has now given up on the problems that exist now. Should I give up?

And may I say that all men are the same?

***

I opened my eyes when I felt the morning sun shining through my window. Just me alone. There is no mother. Did I just have a bad dream?

I put my feet on the floor, and came out of the room to find my mother. My main goal is the kitchen. I just wanted to make sure of last night's crazy dreams.

I saw the mother washing the frying pan. And again trapped in the nightmare again when he saw the mother wearing the same negligee, with swollen eyes.

I took an apple from the fridge. Then I cut it into six pieces, "Mother. Aaaa. Eating apples in the morning is good."

Mother smiled and accepted my bribe.

"Mother. Vella skipped school today, right? Want to go for a walk."

"No no no. Mother does not want to walk. Mother wants you to go to a diligent school."

"But then mom herself dong."

Mother's hand stroked my hair softly, then pulled me in her warm embrace, "You don't come to think, Vella. Mommy regrets telling you. You shouldn't have thought that."

"Nggakpapa. Vella doesn't want her to be sad alone. Vella wants to nemenin' mom."

Mother hugged me more tightly, "You know why the mother is only silent when the mother can also if you want to be like your father?"

"Vellas. The husband is like a priest, and the wife is like a mother. If the imam rukuk, the makmum follows the rukuk. If the priest prostrates, the mother will follow to prostrate. But you can't be like dad, Vella. Mother wants this mother's child to be a good child. If both parents are not good, the mother's child will follow the example of who?"

Women as good as mother, anyone hurt? Should I hit the woman who teased Dad? Or should I be mad at you for being seduced by another woman?

Mother let go of her embrace, "You take a shower, breakfast, go to school huh. Rena's phone call to pick you up."

"Yes mother."

I left the kitchen and went to the bathroom. Complete all routine activities every morning one by one. The difference is that now it is no longer with pleasure.

I say goodbye to my mother when Rena is in my yard. My papa? He's been going to the office since this morning.

On the way, I didn't talk to Rena. In this situation I am lazy to speak. Rena also understood that I was having a problem.

Or maybe as far as Rena knows, I'm still thinking about Mahen last night.

"Thanks to Ren. Sorry I always take care of you." My heartfelt words, when I was in the tenth-class parking lot,

Rena smiled wistfully, "Gue did not know that yesterday's problem foam made lo se down this Vel. The strong ones."

I nodded and left first leaving Rena who still wanted to talk to her classmates in the parking lot.

I'm afraid to tell anyone about this. I think this is privacy to be maintained. It could be that those who don't like me would be happy to hear me mess like this.

Ah my head hurts when my eyes receive excessive light. Ordinary, the effect of crying too long.

Jam‐jam my lesson is not empty. And there is an addition from the OSIS for the selection of exculpatory activities.

There were seven class members who entered. Three women, and four men. Three of them were members of the OSIS, and I'm guessing the other four were the senior class.

"Hallo good afternoon all the sisters. Assalamualaikum wa rakhmatullahi wa barakatuh."

"Siang brother."

"Waalaikumsalam wa rakhmatullahi wa barakatuh."

"We, members of the OSIS and representatives of the school's exkul, would like to offer you to enter the exkul according to your choice." Said one of the students, who we know the chairman of OSIS SMA Merdeka.

"I am Adnan, chairman of OSIS and head of the basketball team. And four of my friends will introduce themselves according to the excrement they hold each. " hereinafter.

"I'm Harris, chairman of the Futsal team."

"I'm Dyo, head of music."

"I'm Tia, the head of the dance school."

"And I'm Lisa chair of modern dance."

The five of them held many forms. A lot is filled. Maybe this was the last class they attended.

"The five of us will explain in turn what we will offer you. Later if you have, you can come to us, to request a form in accordance with your chosen exkul. Each student can only choose one excrement."

They also began to explain what would be done in the exkul. Starting from the schedule of excursions, and the awards they get from the tournament they have participated in.

My friends mostly choose basketball, because the chairman is the handsome Adnan. While Niken and I chose to ask for a form to Kak Harris, who beratti choose futsal excul.

Ever since I was a kid, I loved playing ball. Maybe because my friends from the past were mostly men, and often invited me to play ball, until school even I was always happy when I got football material in the subject of JJOK.

"Sister. Every futsal excrement must be in the GOR, right?" I asked Mr. Harris.

"No deck. If it's just a regular day, we use the school's basketball court."

I imagined the horror when I had to fall on the hot and rough field, "Sick dong if it falls."

Harris laughed, "He's sick. You see, from the school we haven't allowed any excretions outside the school."

I'm a mangosteen sign understand. Then take the form to my desk, and fill it out completely.

"Eh Vel's. Brother Harris was a ketos in my Junior High School. A lot of people just because of him. Haha" said Niken, as he pulled my back and whispered for fear that the person being spoken would hear. So Niken was sitting on the bench behind me.

I looked at him, "Jaudah there. Tomorrow you have one exkul with him, pepet continues. There's a chance."

"I'm self-conscious, Vel. Yeah, well, guys like Kak Harris want to be the same fucking chick as me."

"It's low to skyrocket for sure." Answer me, and return to finish the form.

"Okay if you've collected it to us again." Shouted Kak Adnan because this class became very crowded like no teacher. But there really isn't.

I gave the completed form to Sister Harris.

"Eh deck."

I, who was intending to return to my seat, turned back again, when Sister Harris called me.

"Yes brother? Not happy?" I gave a big grin because I realized that my handwriting was really not good, not just not bad.

"Eh no deck. You have to give your contact person at the top."

I flinched, "Eh? Did ya?"

"Yes deck. Look at your other friends are also given. Make entry to the group. Last time Adnan clearly you must have daydreamed huh?"

I smiled shyly, then took back the form, and wrote down my number in the top right corner.

"Nih brother. Hehe," I said as I returned the form that I now made sure was completely filled out, even though it was hard to read.

Brother Harris smiled, "Thanks on deck."

"For what?"

"Whatsapp number"