NIQUE
HOPED

Yup, my prediction is right. My grades can only be achieved for private High School. There is nothing I can blame but myself. It's entirely my fault for putting negativity into my own storyline, my life. I allowed my dreams to be completely buried deep. Only the gratitude of continuing to survive was left before I understood sincerity. That everything that happens, will happen. No matter how well I plan, there is nothing better than the God-designed ordinance. 

The smile disappeared, and my feminine faded. I am changing myself more and more like a man, not without cause - because I am sure, I am the only one I have. I had not much hope with humans - just after Papa pointed a sharp knife at my chest, and tortured me with various ways and tools that were used until I was battered before Mama finally entered the house after returning from the yard that had been converted into a garden.

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I had to accept all the facts. Including I have to repeat back to school in private school. I am very disappointed in myself. My close friends tried to comfort me and said: "Oh sir Mul's son is sad! It's okay for school here, you're familiar with the canteen. You don't have to adapt anymore. Your mother, also already know waiting for you where later when picking you up home from school.HAHAHA!”

Instantly I was struck by emotion, but I initially relaxed and laughed while walking. But hearing the teasing, and I did not want to look weak in their eyes that could only continue insulting me, then I decided to stop walking, pause for a moment, and turn around. Those who realized that I was no longer near them, eventually pursued and tried to persuade me.

I will never lose my forgiveness when someone has hurt or disrespectful my parents, and mock as if they know what I've been through. To me. ."as bad as parents are, those who make children are born into the world." I was more and more disappointed in the world I was living in, my gaze was blank, and my future was invisible.

That afternoon with raging thoughts, shabby clothes, shabby body, blaming my destiny and then suddenly I shouted “WHAT IS MY FAULT LORD? WHY AM I IN THIS WORLD? WHAT MY FUTURE WILL BE LIKE, IF NOW I HAVE BEEN DESTROYED IN PIECES.” - while waiting to be picked up by Mama on a motorcycle. I'm afraid of loneliness, because I'm the only Junior High left in the schoolyard.

Luckily, I understood so much about myself, and remembered that it was music that made my heart and mind calm again. I began to remove earphones from the pink drawstring bag that I always carry, a bag that has accompanied me for the past 2 years. Not forgetting I opened my emo shoes, and folded my legs cross-legged on the bench that was provided to wait near my school's computer lab.

When I started playing the radio on my old age small mobile phone, I was given the song Bunga Citra Lestari - Disappointed. I re-enacted about myself and described myself as a temple to the song

“I want to get angry, vent

My tap is just here by myself.

I want to show it to anyone who has.

That my heart is disappointed.”

Right, no one knows about me but myself. I get swept up in every song I sing but Mama hasn't even reached school. I began to lament and cry again, trying to close my face with my palm, slowly closing my eyes despite the trauma I felt when I closed my eyes. All events seemed clear, and were in line with the flow. The breath was tight, and the tears were flowing, and then I heard the sound of the car horn.

It turns out that Mama has arrived and brought a car, it turns out that Mama all picked up my brother first from High School which is much closer from home than my school. Mama said the three of us were going to Yogya, accompanying my brother who graduated from UGM with an invitation. It's not the pleasure I feel, but I'm getting worse. I was just happy when I finally got back to Yogya. Previously I had been to Yogya, but by land with my brother who had been waiting in Jakarta to visit my brother who became an S2 student at UGM. My destiny is perfect.

My puffy eyes and my dizzy head finally chose to rest and accept where my body was going. During my sleep I just thought, my steps were right. About me leaving my friend and choosing to stop being friends because for me my age is about to enter the final teenage stage. I will enter into adulthood. There's no way I'm going to further, befriend a human type like them. People I consider to be my best friend. They're not allowed to know what I've been through. With them I became fond of joining innocent children for funny. Thank goodness the boy didn't hurt me, because they knew that I was just following along. Actually I also want to feel what it feels like to bully people's children, I think it is happy but only for a moment, afterwards I regret and apologize to the creator.

I think they're the ones who at least know the most about me without the need for me to tell a story. One day I went to school with my eyes closed, I moved my bed to school, I chose to sit in the back to fall asleep, because I was scared and traumatized to see my bedroom. Then they witnessed that my body was covered in wounds that caused blood to clot and become purple all over my body because I forgot to wear the outer jacket, my eyes bleeding on both sides, and I often got sick and took a lot of drugs that I was forced to take to school, and they said to the Physics teacher who also loved me and my brother who was his student: "Sir, this time the Flower must take medicine.there are 10 capsules of its contents. Poor sir, I don't know what he's going through, but there must be some pain he's covering up Sir. That's her privacy sir, we're not pushy even though we're her best friend Bunga."

.

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One day I was excused to go to the bathroom, but I wanted to see the process of the dance team that before the accident I had practice days before the semester break yesterday. I could only see them rehearsing from behind the door, preparing my friends to perform the plate dance performed in the hall room of the school near my class. I who saw with blue haru, suddenly surprised by my classmate who said: “Ngapain here Flowers? Sad to be disabled? So out of this dance team? So don't crash dong, should you be the one there? You have no right to dream much more.”

Instantly I was shocked and held back emotions, especially that day before the break, my lecturer said about the smart child will be his favorite and remembered until he became an alumni. My guardian believes that smart children will enter the country Junior High, while I and my friends who have never ranked, will enter private Junior High School.

I who began to be disappointed with the circumstances and situations that I experienced and full of anger with the words that I received so far, finally I decided to fight the person who bullied me. I kicked my study table upside down, and ran over to the little girl who spoke harshly to me earlier, just call her name, Princess.

I pulled the bergo hijab she was wearing from behind, and dropped her body on the floor. My two-faced best friend, was eating together with the Princess in surprise. I turned impulsive and dared to resist the bullying that I had long experienced and long-time sniff.

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My body was shaken, I thought a big earthquake happened again, so I slowly opened my eyes. Brother who woke me up and said: “Dek, wake up let us eat first said Mama. You why?” with a worried and worried tone. I stick with my style, “I'm fine.” All natural events, no one knows, because they have become my destiny. I who often hold, finally try to slowly forget everything.

I was left in the car, I hurriedly ran to get into the Ombak Lamun restaurant which was on Jalan Khatib Sulaiman. Padang restaurant is good, it tastes our taste of the family, the price is also according to the wallet even though the Uda-Uda serves food to the full of one table, and the levels are like an arrangement of playing cards played by magicians. While the food taken the most may only be 2-3 plates only. But that is typical of Padang cuisine, sincerity in serving, arranging, and taking back all that has been laid. Makes me always miss my beloved city, even if not with her memories.

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“Mas can photos no?”

"Mas Zach, photo dong! Mas really cool, I participated in the film about the Aceh tsunami it was Mas."

“Uda can you please photoin not with Mas Zach? I idolize it.”

I who was walking lazily was just surprised and my heart was pounding very fast. Zach's? Zach who I hated all this time but also me later? My lips suddenly flickered, but I did not manage to turn my head, because the group of film crews had already entered the car, and all ran as if they were being chased by a plane. Maybe it was chasing a plane, because Minangkabau Airport is very far away.

“Zach is that really you?” my head was light again, and I forgot all about it in an instant, and forgave. Is this a real hope for my next life, from you YaRabb. Listening to her voice with just “thank you uni” near where I walk, makes me very grateful. But what is the look like? Why did God give me a grid just a thousand puzzle pieces that I wanted to arrange myself. I don't care, the important thing is I just found out that it feels happy.