For DiCuekin Husband
Which I have been feeling all this time

"Mas Alex"

"Hm," murmured Alex without glancing at his wife who was standing in the doorway of his study.. Both eyes were still focused on reading some important files in his hands.

Not a strange sight, it had been almost every day for three years of marriage, Alexander behaved like that.

"I want to talk to you, Mom."

"Speak," answered him again without looking at his wife.

Fifian then took a deep breath..

"I want to talk important, Mas. You can take the time for me just for a moment mas??!!"

"What's important, directly north can't it..??"

Fifian was silent for a moment as he gathered his courage to express his desire..

"I want a divorce..!!"

Alexander who was seriously checking his important files suddenly felt stiff hands as if numb

For a moment, his mind and brain could not think because it was too shocked to hear what Fifian said..

The words Alex never imagined were now spoken by his wife.

"Why?" only that word came out of Alex's mouth because he really couldn't believe Fifian asking for a divorce from her

"You ask why? You know the answer, too, Mom."

"I don't know," said Alexander innocently that made Fifian became even more angry and irritated..

"What's my fault Fifian .what did I do to make you feel tired. I always let you do what you want. Want to be a housewife please, want to be a career woman please. I never limit your space.. My request is only one, please love the children well. When I was at home, I also rarely talked to you, I never got angry, never your country. You're free."

For whatever sake, Fifian was eager to yell at her husband in satisfaction..Fifians. Please don't believe me. I am lazy to have to marry again and adjust again. Poor Gina and Gani They love you too."

"If you... Don't you love me?"

"Is that important? What matters is everything's fine."

"What a good thing, Mom!"

"Please look at me," Alexander directed Fifian's face to look at him. He gasped when he saw his wife's tears. For three years of marriage, even though Fifian never heard Fifian cry at all.

"You crying?"

"Why? Shocked? Without you noticing every night I cry, Mas."

Alex's heart is breaking.

For three years Fifian's marriage looked fine.

Every waking up Fifian always smiles, prepares necessities to the office, prepares breakfast, takes care of Gina and Gani, he does all that with a cheerful face. He never complained or protested.

When Alexander said...

'I'm not ready for the first night'

Fifian accepts with all his heart. Fifian never demanded an inner living.What all this time just theatrical? He pretended to be okay.

"Why didn't you say?

"Where am I gonna say it? You from morning to afternoon busy work, coming home from the office you play with the children, then at night you go straight to sleep. So it continued for three years. I'm tired of the inner, Mas. I can still endure physical fatigue, but inner fatigue is too painful."

Fifian's tears came back. The tightness in his chest made him unable to hold back tears. For three years Fifian held his own, trying to strengthen the heart of her husband's attitude that was so cold and indifferent. Fifian tries to hold on for a while more for Gina and Gani. But Fifian is no longer able.

"And you know what hurts me the most. You can make time for febi, your ex-wife, but you don't have time for me.

""Why bring a febi?"

"You're still in love with her, aren't you, Mas. The way you look at Febi, the way you treat her gently, you always make time for her, even when she and I are sick at the same time, you'd rather take her to the doctor just for the flu, while I almost bleed to death in the bathroom because of the flakes. For three years we were married, you didn't touch me, until I wondered what was wrong with me? Am I less sexy? Am I less beautiful? I'm going crazy wondering myself without knowing the answer!"

Alexander remained silent.

"You don't have to answer anything, I already know the answer. I'll take care of our divorce papers soon. After that you will be free to do anything with that woman."

Without waiting for her husband's answer, Fifian immediately left her husband's study.

***