ENDLESS HALLWAY
CHAPTER 83: DESPAIR

The rosebud finally stopped all Cevin's resistance. The person he faces emerges from nothingness.

She's maya.

He's abstracting.

And most likely, he would indeed not be defeated.

Now, every time Cevin looks at Balqis, there's a feeling this relationship isn't forever. There'll be a last day, that chick's kembunny will never be seen again. At all. Just like now he no longer sees Irfan.

Cevin sighed. Long and heavy. Actually he did not want to resign, but he did not know what could be done.

"Leave a countdown" he said in a hoarse voice.

Staring at Sigit who this afternoon deliberately picked him up because of worry.

Sigit looked at Cevin with a wolf.

"Lo's sure?" ask Sigit slowly. "Gue sense because all this time elo kept next to Balqis. Lo watch out for him so. If you take him off, maybe." continued Sigit.

"Free! If I release him, there will be another guy who deletin him. It's the same." Cevin shook his head weakly.

Sigit was forced to acknowledge the truth of those words.

***

Just count down….

Cevin's pair of eyes stared at the darkness around him. The room is pitch black, out there too. The power went out and the only light visible to him was just a candle lit in a neighboring house. Behind the curtains, the light was so blurry and illuminated nothing.

Opaque…!!!

And far…!!!

That's what he looks like now. Balqis and their days should be abandoned. Must forget. Everything that ever happened. Everything was.

Cevin understood, Balqis does belong to Irfan. Therefore he sincerely stood in his place now, which used to be Irfan's place, guarding Balqis. No more than that.

***

Just keep Balqis.

One sentence was short, but heavy because Cevin had to turn his heart off. The guy decided to do it quickly. Dratical. Because dying quickly is better than dying slowly.

As soon as he decided that, Cevin immediately contacted Balqis, saying tomorrow morning he could not pick up. Cevin also said he could no longer drop off and pick up every day. It can only be once in a while.

"Why?" There was a shocked tone within Balqis voice.

Cevin said the most plausible reason he could find.

"Gue tired. Every day I wake up early. Trus returned home late afternoon. Your house is pretty far away, Qis!" Cevin.

"Oh? Yes, yes." Balqis Reply.

"Is it okay to go alone?" Ask Cevin.

"It's okay. Just relax." Answer Balqis.

"Sip if that." Cevin put the phone down. Both of his eyes slowly closed. If Cevin can give Balqis the rose bud, Irfan can take care of her.

Cevin's reasoning was plausible, so Balqis thought nothing of it until he found Cevin to be a completely different person, one he barely knew. Not only did Cevin never pick her up and drive her home again. The guy also kept his distance. Every time Balqis would grab his arm, one action that Balqis often did unconsciously because she was accustomed to Cevin's reaction was to stay away for a while.

The guy tried so hard that Balqis could not touch him. After that Cevin will pretend it didn't happen. It was as if the refusal was done unconsciously.

Cevin has created distance. Balqis is confused. He wanted to ask, but he stopped. Embarrassed.

Cevin's other weirdness is the way his eyes look at Balqis. Sometimes, Cevin stared with a spotlight as if Balqis was far away in the seventh heaven boundary there, not in front of his eyes. Sometimes, the guy stared with a sad and desperate look.

But for one thing, Cevin made no attempt to hide it. He could not dodge every time Balqis caught his gaze. For this one oddity, Balqis dared to ask.

"Lo why the hell?" Ask Balqis.

But Cevin's answer also meant nothing to him.

"It's okay. Just a peg ngeliatin elo. It's okay, right? Or not even?" Cevin.

"Qis, you're sweet, huh? Recalcitrant, but sweet." Cevin.

Balqis. Cevin was looking at him. With that desperate spot. But now the spotlight seemed to penetrate it.

"Lo why the hell?" Balqis asked softly. Again he asked that question as well, because he did not know the form of the question how to get an answer. Blur is okay, than dark at all.

But again, Cevin's answer does not provide any explanation.

"It's okay. Just to talk about it. It's okay, right? Or can't you?" Cevin.

Balqis also became desperate, and eventually did the same thing Cevin did to her. Get far. Creating distance. Balqis was embarrassed to speak frankly, let alone scatter as Ranti suggested. Because if you remember, Balqis and Cevin are close without any commitment. Without any expression. Without statement. Just get close and then feel comfortable with each other.

Eventually Balqis came to the conclusion that perhaps Cevin wanted between them to have nothing to do.

***

The next morning, while walking from stop to school, alone, Balqis was still pondering about it.

"Yes already. How are you gonna do it again?" hisses wirih.

The girl breathed unconsciously. He walked the sidewalk with slow steps and his head bowed. Now going to school is something that makes me sad. Everywhere feels lonely. It's grim...!!! Empty...!!! Even in the frenetic classroom because the guys in the backseat are making a tantrum, Balqis feels the crowd is far away elsewhere.

If there is an empty bench because the occupants do not enter, wherever the position is, Balqis will certainly move immediately. It makes no difference, everywhere is lonely and sad. The girl was also no longer eager to do the fad. No one will protect him anymore if he gets into trouble because of his misery.

Cevin witnessed all of Balqis's changes. Even though he had expected it, he was devastated as well. But he could do nothing but stand in his place.

Dractical changes both are definitely confusing the entire class. Cevin and Balqis may indeed be the most unique pair. Most confusing. New time is so, hebohanya for mercy. Temporarily fight. Noisily intermittently. But once dispersed, adem ayem. Quiet, without the slightest melee. The opposite of a couple in general.

However, everyone could see the sadness of both. Balqis tries to escape, and Cevin stays in place.

Cloudy that appears since morning makes the air today feel cooler. But for Balqis, cloudy only makes his heart added nelangsa. She misses Cevin. Kangen is the same guy who only sits half a meter from him, kangen the same voice when talking to anyone too, miss the same every movement of his body that is caught by the tail of the eye. When the classroom atmosphere was quiet, it was very desirable for Balqis to turn to the side. Fear of Cevin is no more. But during rest hours, empty hours, or other free moments, the man was forced to stay away from him. He doesn't know what to say. Cevin is no longer fun to talk to. The answer is short, sometimes even so. He often said nothing. Just listen silently, and look at him with a spotlight that is sometimes sad, desperate, or unfocused. Anyway not clear and confusing, and finally make Balqis like this.

Desperate too...!!!

By noon, the cloudiness grew thick and turned into heavy rain. Balqis stared at the drops of water with a growing feeling

nelangsa again. Cevin was still next to her, but it felt so quiet. Mournfully. Blank.

Shortly before the bell came home, the rain stopped. Balqis' feelings have not changed for the better. In a moment he will hear a familiar sentence in his ear lately. Cevin's farewell.

"Gue first yes, Qis. Ati-ati on the street." Just say Cevin.

Five minutes after the bell went home, Balqis walked slowly towards the gate. By ourselves. The heavy rain had created a dirty waterhole in front of the school pavement. Suddenly the desire appeared.

Ngisengin people, ah...!!! It made me happy once. Crazy, I have long not ngusilin people, Balqis said in his heart.

That desire then did give him a bit of excitement. The girl stepped towards the school gate with a much lighter feeling.

***

Sigit was tidying up his bookshelf, as his eyes were pounded on a comic lying on the top shelf. With a feeling of wonder taken the comic. He immediately remembered, the comic was brought Irfan when he came to his house to borrow a motorcycle.

"Pinjem motorbikes daftar, Git. Want to pick up my sister all want to wriggle Balqis. It's only been three days, he's wearing white-blue." Irfan said at the time.

Sigit still remembered clearly. As soon as he handed over the keys to the bike, Irfan immediately ran outside while exclaiming, "Comical titip, huh? There's a picture of Balqis tuh!" Shouted Irfan then.

Sigit jerks. There is no need to search between the pages of the comic, because the photos that are inserted it has formed a little gap. Sigit pulled out the photo. The memories came. It brings up sadness, as well as painful kangen.

This photo was taken the day he accompanied Cevin to Balqis school. The day he saw the girl for the first time. It was taken just before that one moment happened. When Irfan decided to pursue Balqis, accompanied him to run then protect him. The moment when they finally mentioned each other's names.

Sigit sighed. His gaze dimmed. He could still clearly remember Irfan's happy face at that time, and his mumblings along the way home. Sigit sighed again. He inserted the photo again between the pages of the comic, then put the comic on the table. The slightly publicized front cover shows the comic's rightful owner. He recaptured the comic and opened the first page.

It was Cevin's. Not a surprise, considering Irfan and Cevin are both comic fans. Limited funds make both then do the deal. Each will buy a different title, then borrow from each other.

Sigit immediately decided to return the comic tomorrow afternoon. If it is delayed, he is afraid to forget. The man walked out of the room and into the phone table. Cevin. After making small talk asking for news, Sigit said his point.

"Tomorrow at noon, Vin. Want to turn around the comic you same chat clash." Say Sigit when connected to Cevin.

"Which comic?" Ask Cevin.

"That time Irfan took me to my house and I was left behind." Obviously Sigit.

"Oh. Okay." Okay." Cevin said.